Love and Psychopaths: Self-Interested Love

Love and Psychopaths 1: Self-Interested Love

Janet: I love our friends for the same reasons you do! Do you mean to tell me that if they all turned into obnoxious dicks, that you'd still meet them for coffee?

Joe: I'm not talking about them turning into dicks! I'm talking about them just doing something that really made you angry. If any of our friends really upset you, you'd hate them. You wouldn't want them in your life anymore. They wouldn't get any second chances. That's the kind of person you are.

Janet: No, I'd be nice to them and have them in my life if I knew it meant a lot to you. I'm not a fucking twat.

Joe: That doesn't matter. You still wouldn't care about them and that's how we're different. If they made me angry, I wouldn't automatically reject them. I could be patient.

Janet: Haven't I been patient with you?

Joe: That's different! You're patient with me because I'm your boyfriend.

Janet: I've been very very patient with you, Joe. I'm being patient with you now.

Joe: That's because when you're patient with me... you get rewards. Your friends only get to stick around if they don't upset you. All you care about is whether or not they're pleasant company, whether you can have interesting conversations with them. You don't value them because of who they are.

Janet: I value my friends because they're people I like, Joe. I can't be a good friend to someone if I don't like them. And it's hard to like someone if you don't have much in common or have totally different values. That's normal.

Joe: (loudly) No, it's not! You yourself said you don't care about what happens to people you really hate.

Janet: (loudly) But I only hate most of the same people you hate!

Joe: But I could feel bad if someone I hated got cancer. You couldn't!

Janet: Why does that matter?

Joe: It matters because it means you can't empathise with people who wind you up! You can only feel affection for people when they give you things on your terms. That's why you can't understand friendship anymore than you can understand love. You're a psychopath. You can behave like a nice person but it's all an act! On the inside, you're rotten.

Janet: (crying again) ...Jesus, you're being cruel!... How can you say that to me?

Joe: Those tears of yours are a good example of what I'm talking about. You could just be acting now. How do I know?

Janet: (crying) You don't trust me.

Joe: Nope.

Janet: (crying) Even after everything we've been through together, you still don't trust me. Nothing I did was good enough.

Joe: You don't have a mind anyone can trust.

Janet: So it's my mind you can't trust. You love my behaviour but hate the way my mind works. Is that it?

Joe: I can only know your behaviour. I can't know you. I can't know whether I'm ever being manipulated or whether I'm in danger. Suppose you suddenly get upset and can't help doing something impulsive. I can't even imagine the crazy shit you're capable of!

Janet: Joe, what have I been like throughout our time together?

Joe: You 'behaved' really well. You 'behaved' like my soul mate.

Janet: Are you honestly saying you think I tricked you into believing you love me?

Joe: Yes, I do. I know you'd prefer it if I hid that from you, but I can't.

Janet: I wouldn't prefer that. I wouldn't want you to hide anything you were feeling about me that's important for me to know. You can tell me what I need to hear without being cruel about it, though. You don't have to hurt me like this.

Joe: I'm not trying to hurt you Janet. I'm just being honest with you.

Janet: It feels like you're trying to punish me.

Joe: I couldn't punish you even if I wanted to! You have the thickest skin of anyone I've ever met. You have resilience a normal person doesn't. You won't be hurt by this experience. You'll learn from it like you always do. Nothing fazes you.

Janet: What am I supposed to learn?

Joe: (beginning to cry) Learn that normal people, people who aren't like you... we're incredibly imperfect. I'm not better than you just because you're a psychopath. I'm horrible too. It's not as if I'm a wonderful person and you're a monster. I'm not a good boyfriend for anyone. When you realise that, you'll move on and be happy. I'm too damaged.

Janet: (still crying) Then why can't you try and be better? Why can't you try to love me? Why can't you just accept and love my behaviour towards you?

Joe: You are lovely in your behaviour but I don't want lovely behaviour in a girlfriend. I want a lovely person. You can't be that because your brain's deformed. You were one of nature's mistakes. You're like poison fucking candy. You shouldn't have been born!

Janet: (crying) Oh God, that's such a nasty thing to say to someone! ..I don't understand why you have to...

Joe: (interrupting) I'm sorry but I can't help...

Janet: (interrupting) Have I ever said anything cruel like that to you?

Joe: No you haven't...

Janet: (angrily) I don't say mean things like that to you because I love you! You're my favourite person and I would never want to hurt you if I could help it!

Joe: You're not my favourite person anymore, Janet.

Janet: (wiping away tears) I suppose I'm not.

Joe: Yesterday you were my favourite person. You were my favourite person because you acted like my best friend. You behaved in a way that made you seem exciting and amazing, like someone completely unlike anyone else on this planet. It was a great performance. That performance is the reason we lasted this long. But I can't keep giving you what you want from me. It's doing my head in. I can't put up with you being nice to me... so you can get me to do things for you.

Janet: (wiping away tears) I'm not nice to you so I can get you to do things for me! Being nice to you gives me pleasure. I get pleasure from being with you! I enjoy watching you be happy. I always have, Joe.

Joe: Yeah, you either manipulate me or give yourself pleasure. Do you think I want to waste my life in a relationship with someone like that?

Janet: (loudly) I can't do anything other than that! I can't do anything other than be me!

Joe: That's why you need to stay the fuck away from me. I can't expose myself to a TOTALLY self-cantered person who behaves otherwise to get favours. I'm too vulnerable when I'm with you.

Janet: (frustrated) But I don't do things for people just because I want favours! I also do things for people because I care about them! You know that! You see it all the time!

Joe: (angrily) You care about people because of what caring for them does for you!

Janet: Well, I'm sorry you think that's fake. I'm sorry you think I'm a bad person.

Joe: I'm sorry too. I never dreamed you were a manipulative psychopath that could literally turn on the tears. I can't believe I let myself be fooled by you.