Love and Psychopaths: Self-Interested Love

Love and Psychopaths 1: Self-Interested Love

Janet: Don't be silly. If you had a depressive episode, I couldn't know for certain you'd never come back to me, so it's very very unlikely I'd leave you. I'd endure at least a few years of unpleasant behaviour, so you don't have anything to worry about. If you ever get depressed again, we'll work through it. I love you and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you get better.

Joe: But why is it in your self-interest to spend years of your life with someone so unpleasant? Why not just leave and find someone who isn't depressed?

Janet: Because you're so cool and interesting and sexy and sweet and lovely and wonderful and deep and just... amazing to me. You're everything I've ever wanted in another human being, Joe. I love being with you, whether you're depressed or not. Your company is the best thing in my life. There's nothing in it that's better.

Joe: But you only love me because of my company! What about loving me for me?

Janet: (loudly) I do love you for you! You make me feel happy. Why is that so terrible?

Joe: You should love me even if I don't make you happy, Janet.

Janet: Ok, let me understand this... you think people should stay in relationships even if those relationships make them miserable. You think people should suffer for love. If people are happy and no one's suffering, something's wrong. Is that what you're trying to say?

Joe: All good relationships have rough periods, times where partners don't make each other feel good. That's life, Janet. You can't just leave a partner during a rough patch because it's in your self-interest!

Janet: But in a situation like that, it wouldn't be in my self-interest to leave! I'd lose out on the chance to fix things. I'd rather put up with a few unhappy years than risk ending it all. Do you honestly think I would risk losing you that easily? You're my bloody soulmate!

Joe: I can't be your soulmate, Janet.

Janet: What?

Joe: No one can be your soulmate because you don't understand love. You only value me because of what you get from me. You don't love me unconditionally. I don't even feel like you love me anymore. I feel like someone... you've hired to be your boyfriend.

Janet: I haven't hired you. I chose to be your girlfriend because I love you. It's always been like that.

Joe: How can you love as a psychopath? How can you really love me if all you love about me is what I give to you?

Janet: I can't love you unless you give me things I love. You do give me them, for the most part. That's why I love you, Joe. That's why I've always loved you. It's very simple.

Joe: That's the problem, Janet.

Janet: (frustrated) I don't understand why that's a problem! I really don't.

Joe: That's another problem. You're digging your own grave here, Janet.

Janet: I don't know what you want me to say.

Joe: It's not about what you say or how you behave. It's about your motivations. You're scared of us ending... because you're scared of having to find someone else. You're scared of not having someone to talk to every night. You're scared of not having someone who makes you happy. That's not really love, Janet. That's shallow.

Janet: This is ridiculous.

Joe: What's ridiculous?

Janet: You're breaking up with me... because of a philosophical difference in the ways each of us conceptualise love.