His Death Awakened Me (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 8: Changes

Fortunately I didn't sign up for college classes this semester, so I didn't currently have school to worry about. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. I could hardly bare getting up in the morning. I'd much prefer to stay in bed. My parents insisted that I get up each day though, and Sean would always come over to spend time with me and help me whenever I needed it.

As the days went by, I became increasingly aware of just how big a hole I now had in my life. Collin was gone. It didn't seem real at first, but it was starting to now. I took the week off at my part time job at a nearby grocery store after my brother's death. Today I was quitting. Just being there reminded me of when he and I had went grocery shopping together a couple times. I couldn't handle it. I called my boss and told him the news.

"Mr. Hansen, it's Jake," I said into the phone.

"Jake," he said tentatively, "How are you?"

"I'm fine," I replied.

"I'm sorry bud. Is there anything I can do? You take as much time as you need okay?" He was saying. I was only half listening. Mr. Hansen was a nice man. He was in his 50s and managed the store. He knew my dad and that's how I had gotten the job originally. My dad wasn't gonna be happy when he found out.

"I quit," I said evenly.

"Jake, you..wait what?" He stammered.

"I quit," I repeated. There was silence on the phone for a second.

"Are you sure that's what you want to do bud? Why don't you just take as long as you need and we'll talk about this later okay?" He reasoned.

"No, I quit. Sorry Mr. Hansen," I ended the call before he had the chance to respond. I sighed. My parents were not going to like this. I don't care. I laid back on my bed. All I wanted was to sleep forever. Maybe then I wouldn't have to feel so much pain.

I turned my T.V. on. I hadn't moved from my room much over the last week. I just didn't have the energy or the motivation. As I wrapped the blanket around myself tightly, I sighed, squeezing my eyes shut and increasingly wishing that this was all a bad dream. I would wake up soon.

I didn't know how long I had been asleep when there was a knock at the door. I opened my eyes. The daylight was still streaming through the windows. It must be afternoon or something. The days had blended together. I rolled over away from the door, pretending to still be asleep. I heard the door handle turn and suddenly the bed was dipping down slightly on the one side.

"Jake what are you doing?" He sighed. His voice sounded so broken and weary. I didn't answer. "I spoke with Jim. (Mr. Hansen, my dad called him by his first name.) I don't know what to to Jake." I still wasn't looking at him. I didn't know what to say and I certainly didn't think I could stomach the look of disappointment on his face right now.

"I don't know what to do either Dad," I replied, almost whispering.

"Your mother is worried about you. I'm worried about you," he said.

"Don't. I'm fine."

"Jake just talk to me," he pleaded. I rolled over and sat up, facing him.

"What do you want me to say!?" I said, raising my voice. Dad dipped his head slightly.

"I don't know kiddo. I just..." He trailed off.

"I don't want to be there. It reminds me of him. I can't be there at that store. I just can't," I huffed. He regarded me with a look of astonishment. His eyes wide.

"How do you think we feel!? I can't do anything without thinking of Collin either-" I cut him off.

"Stop. Just stop."