His Death Awakened Me (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 19: He is My Everything

It had been about a month since I had left my house to permanently stay at Sean's. He and I had taken over the guest room because it was bigger and had the ensuite bathroom. Mostly it was my room but Sean and I always slept in the same bed, holding each other tightly. I found I could never get enought of it. I craved his touch even more now that he had went back to work.

I had applied for a few part time jobs; I didn't know if I was ready and could handle working full time right now. I certainly didn't need any added stress, but so far I hadn't been hired.

Things with my family were at an all time low. My dad called a couple times every so often, but if I answered I kept the conversation short and sometimes just ignored the call.

I could tell Sean worried about me and so I always tried to reassure him that I was fine. He could tell that the situation with my family was wearing on me though, thus he did everything he could to keep my mind off it. I was so lucky to have him. He was amazing in every sense of the word. We hadn't even remotely disagreed with each other since that embarrassing conflict that had started with me going down on him. My cheeks flushed read just thinking about how stupid I had felt.

Kim and I had become friends again, although I held her at arms length still. We'd hung out a couple times and she seemed geniunely saddened when I told her things with my parents were still severely strained. Sean's mom Kristen continued to try to reason with my mother, whom she used to be close too, but things seemed to remain as they were. I felt bad that I was hurting her relationship with my mom, who was her good friend, as well as my own. I sighed and sauntered into the kitchen, checking the fridge for something to eat for lunch.

There was some lunch meet and sliced cheese, as well as mayo, and my stomach rumbled. I snatched them out of the fridge and put everything on the counter, then moved to the pantry to get some bread. Once I finished making my sandwich, I took it over to the bar and sat down, reaching for the TV remote. I sat on the stool and watched while I ate, feeling bored out of my mind. I pulled out my phone and checked the time, it was only 12:30. Sean wouldn't be home until just before 3:00. I grinned like a dork at the picture of him I had set as my background. He was smiling and his eyes appeared to twinkle. I loved the picture so much I couldn't stop looking at it. He made me so happy. Suddenly the picture disappeared as a name flashed on the screen and it vibrated in my hand. I groaned loudly and stared at the screen, contemplating what I should do.

I decided to let it go to voicemail. I didn't want to talk to him. My dad had called yesterday and asked how I was doing. I answered with a curt 'fine' before an awkward silence ensued and he made up some excuse to end the call.

I quickly stuffed the rest of my sandwich in my mouth and ran upstairs to my room, fetching my wallet and keys. I hustled back down the steps and out the door, closing it behind me and locking it with my key. Sean had taken me to the store to have my own made when he went back to work, saying he needed to have his key with him and that it was only useful for me to have my own. It sounds stupid but I felt incredibly special knowing both he and his mom had trusted me with it.

I didn't have a car though so I figured I'd just walk. It wasn't too far to get to my parent's house from here. It had been so long since I had seen my mother and honestly I was hoping she wasn't home. I just wanted to see my old room again. I don't know why. I just wanted to look around. Maybe I was just bored. I knew my dad was at work so I thought maybe I could sneak in while nobody was home.

I reached the driveway and stood there for a moment, nervously tossing my keys around on my finger before taking a deep breath and walking up towards the house. Everything seemed still and quiet. God I hope she isn't home. Please don't let her be home. My stomach started churning and knotting with anxiety. Why did I come here again? At that exact moment I turned on my heel and briskly walked down the steps. I couldn't be here.