His Death Awakened Me (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 9: Falling Further

Sean suddenly broke apart from the kiss, as if he realized what he was doing. He had shut me up mid-sentence by kissing me. It was every bit as cliche as it sounded but I didn't care. I wanted it. Which is why even though I was still breathing heavily from the kiss, my heart pounding in my chest, my face fell with confusion and disappointment with the way he was looking at me. I couldn't tell if it was disgust, embarrassment, or both. He shook his head slightly.

"I'm sorry," he said abruptly, without meeting my gaze. I felt like crumpling to the ground.

"Sean...I'm confused," I replied, glaring at him as hard as I could. What did he mean he was sorry? Why was he sorry? I arched an eyebrow at him, waiting for a response.

"I should take you home," he said flatly. Clearly I wasn't going to get any more out of him than that. I bit my lip, nodded my head, and hobbled over to his car. He didn't say anything or move to help me like he usually did. Instead he shuffled behind me silently. I opened the door and climbed in. Sean hopped in the driver's side and wouldn't look at me. I stared out the window in complete silence, the tension was palpable. We stayed like that the whole way back to my house, which luckily wasn't far. It felt like an eternity however, and I found myself on the verge of fresh tears.

He pulled into my driveway and put the car in park. We both stared straight ahead, both of us apparently not sure what to say or do. I moved to get out of the car, grabbing the door handle. I tried to do it slowly, in case he changed his mind and decided to talk to me again. I was fooling myself though. He didn't say anything, nor did he look at me as I shut the door and he backed out, leaving me in the driveway. He didn't look back.

I wobbled on the spot. At any moment I felt like I was going to collapse and not be able to get up. First Collin, now this? I can't deal with this. What have I done so wrong in my life? I've lost my brother and now probably my best friend. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have let him kiss me. I shouldn't have wanted it. When he helped me these past few weeks I should've rejected it. I relied on him too much and now he just left me.

Somehow I made my way up the stairs to the front porch and unlocked the front door. Shutting the door quickly, I let myself slump to the floor. I dropped my crutches and they hit the floor with a loud clatter. Brushing away the tears that were threatening to spill over, I pulled my legs up as best I could and wrapped my arms around them. I didn't care if it hurt like hell to be in this position.

My parents must've heard the loud clatter of the crutches because they were suddenly both upon me, asking me what had happened. My mom pulled me into a tight hug when I wouldn't answer their questions. It was all a haze. I'm not sure what exactly they said, because I blocked most everything out.

Walking like a zombie, I pulled myself out of her embrace silently, and began hobbling up the stairs to my room, leaving the crutches where I dropped them.

"Jake!" My dad yelled after me. I didn't answer him. "Jake what's going on?" I didn't even shake my head. My mind was nothing but an empty hole. I guess this is what rejection feels like? What was I thinking? Sean is a guy. I'm a guy. This is so messed up on so many levels. Normally if I fought with him or he pissed me off I'd just be mad and then we'd get over it later. Not this time. This felt way different. I was completely and utterly crushed, and all because he kissed me and then pulled away, effectively ripping the rug out from under me.

I threw myself on the bed and stared off into space. Nothing matters anymore. I could vaguely make out the sound of my dad knocking on my door. I blocked it out, and then I passed out.

* * * *

"Hey," a voice was swimming around in my head. I couldn't make out who's it was. "Hey Jake. Jake. Wake up. Please."