Forget Me Not (Klance)

Chapter 18, Girlfriend

Dear Diary, mom is practically forcing me to use you, to "express" my feelings. I don't have many, honestly, I know she's going to use this to find out what I'm thinking, I'm not falling for it, so... I guess this is all I have to say.

-Keith Koga

I dropped the pen and sighed, closing the book, it was sure to get ink all over the place, but did I care? No.

I wanted to throw the book, get rid of it, not even see it. I thrashed myself in my bed, falling asleep. I felt alone, I always felt alone, sometimes I dreamed about falling in love.

Holding someone's hand, trusting them with myself. I just felt disgusting afterwards, I wouldn't ever tell Mom, never, it was better to stay silent.

-

"Keith, you're getting older now" She sat next to me, and held my hand.

"Yeah" I nodded.

"It's time I told you about love-"

"It doesn't exist" I finished the sentence for her.

"It does, just because-"

"Yeah, just stop, I don't want to talk about it" I teared up.

"Well, we need to, whether you like it or not" She argued.

I hated this, I didn't want to talk about it, especially since my past.

"Look, I know, I know it hurts to talk about this, but I want you to be safe when you make a decision to be intimate with someone else... I want you to be ready" She said softly.

I got up. "No one's ever gonna love me like that Carmen, so just leave, don't even waste your time"

"You need to use protection, and know how to be safe" She pleaded.

"My counselor already went through everything, no need to worry" I opened the door.

"Keith"

"Leave!" I snapped.

-

I teared up gently, my mind tracing back to being pinned down by him. I wanted to be normal, I wanted to joke about sex like all the other kids did, I wanted to hold someone without feeling like it was him holding me.

And the only person who I trusted to hug me was Lance, sweet Lance. He never once hurt me, or told me I was disgusting, or even bullied me. He kept with us, but...

I was choosing to be alone

Not even talk to Lance, it was embarrassing for him to talk to me anyways with all his friends. I was alone.

"Keith?" Veronica opened the door.

"Yes?" I wiped my tears quickly.

"Dinner's ready alright?" She mentioned.

"Sure, I'll be down in a bit" I promised, but I knew I was gonna skip dinner.

-

"Can I have the computer?" I asked Lance, he stared over at me.

"Yeah" He shrugged.

"Thanks" I pulled it with me, getting out of his room.

I opened the desktop, the laptop blaring moans as I opened it. "Fuck!" I closed it, no one heard at least.

I pulled headphones from my phone and plugged it in. It scared me shitless but most of all, this was Lance's computer.

We had a joint account, but I never thought that Lance would use it to watch porn.