Forget Me Not (Klance)

Chapter 30, Spider Lily

"Lance" I mumbled, looking at the statue.

They found him in a bathtub, filled with blood, his arm slit all the way to his forearm. It was suicide, but as much as everyone expected this, I most did. Even his suicide note was to Allura.

But, despite this turn of events, all I could do was stand still. Lance already died the day Allura disappeared. It wasn't like he was living anyways.

I would understand never moving on, but, giving up on your dreams? Living only in your dead girlfriend's world? It wasn't living.

"Keith, would you like to say a few words?" The funeral coordinator asked.

I stood in front of the statue. "He was my best friend. And-" I paused, what the hell was there to say about him...

"Go on, Keith" Shiro egged me on.

"I lied, he was a crush that never happened, a missed bullet, what can I say except he was an idiot, but he was my idiot" I sighed, "I loved him" I admitted, my lips wavered, I wasn't going to keep talking. "God, fuck... I loved him" I broke down in realization, no matter how many times I denied it, it was there.

"Keith..." Hunk took me in his arms.

"I was in love with him..." I hiccuped in his arms. "Everyday! Since we were kids!" I screamed in his shoulder.

"Shh" Hunk pat my back, I wasn't going to lie, Hunk gave the best hugs.

"It was my fault..." I sobbed, I felt 12 again.

"Hunk... Let me have Keith" I heard Shiro lightly whisper.

My head was spinning in and out. My whole life, my panic attacks were always like this. I hated it, I hated myself. Why does it hurt so much? It feels like a part of me was ripped apart.

I can't shake how happy I was, how happy I was that he was at least alive.

"Keith, listen to me" I could barely feel Shiro, everything was fuzzy, I wanted to curl in a ball.

"I can't, It was my fault-" I weeped, I knew deep down that my words probably never effected his feelings. I can't even count on my fingers and toes how many times I've walked in on Lance trying to kill himself.

How many times I begged him to stay with a knife, pill bottle, boxcutter, or chemical in his hand.

How I pleaded that he was so much more than his words.

My throat was dry, my eyes so blurred with tears I was sure they'd be so puffy.

And in that moment all I could see was Red, the smell of blood, stink of cinnamon, the taste of poison.

I was going crazy, but my lungs felt heavy and I felt like I coughed, but I didnt really.

A small spider lily fell in my hands, covered in blood.

It felt like a sign.

-

It's been three years, and the least I can say is, I've gotten over it. Lance is where he belongs now, with the person he most loved. I'm happy for him, even if it means he's not in this world anymore.

I'm open for any kind of life at this point. If I end up dying, that's fine, if I live until I rot, I guess that's fine too.

Pidge is having a baby, it's gonna be a girl. She seems so much more happy, she lives that rollercoaster of a life, I just live a train ride.

I also have a nephew named Allen, the cutest little 4 year old you've ever seen. He's got beautiful blue eyes, and dark brown curly hair. Even though he's not related to Shiro, or Curtis, he definitely looks like their child.