12.18
last december, i met up with this teacher and a friend. we talked about how we were doing and just caught up on each other's lives. this time, i didn't cry. i was almost alright. almost.
if you ask me, that went extremely well compared to the last time we've sat and talked.
my life was spiralling back then, and now i guess i was doing much better. perhaps, i've just gotten used to failure that it simply didn't affect me as much as before. nonetheless, i am proud of surviving another year.
01.19
i've experienced yet another failure in january - but no, i wasn't too sad over it. i'd already accepted the failure long before i received it. unlike the first time. thoughts were cloudy but for some reason, i was still hopeful. i searched for alternatives. funny thing was, my original plan was someone else's backup plan. i knew that whichever path i'd take would eventually still lead to something. some opposed the idea of my plans but their opinions didn't matter, its my life we're talking about here,not yours. i wanted to remain open to all the possible doors for me.
02.19
i found a better opportunity for me. it was a leap of faith. i had about a month to complete a project. i lacked inspiration. self-doubt filled to the brim up til the very last minute - what if they're better than me? my work isn't as good as theirs. well news flash sweetheart, someone WILL ALWAYS be better than you. procrastination, was the biggest enemy. tears won't finish this project for me.
thank god for dreams.
i really struggled this month.
was i making the right choice?
03.19
hey, its march now.
a lot has happened already ; yet, we're nowhere near the end of the year.
sleepless nights.
the fourth was the day.
i wasn't too sure of my work as i've said.
i am so rusty, 'inexperienced', mediocre ;
my mind really is quite a genius when it comes to this.
anxious, that i was from head to toe.
making use of a strength,
sometimes, i can be good with words.
sometimes.
2 weeks have passed and im waiting....
waiting for the results.
waiting for that rejection.
but alas,
i got accepted!
when you're so used to failing (in general), you're just ready to accept another failure. you shouldn't just accept in an instant, look into other ways to move past that and then accept it. personally, i feel that failures can also be defined as mistakes. and since we're not machines, our mistakes cannot be undone. take it as a lesson & review the consequences. its okay to fail and its okay to make mistakes.
own and grow from them.
when making a decision, take other people's input into consideration. it doesn't mean you have to go through with that. (especially those that affect YOUR future and YOUR life) it shouldn't entirely affect the outcome of your decision. the ultimate decision should still be yours. if your decision leads you nowhere then yes maybe, it was a wrong choice. so be it. make another decision then. at least you're deciding for YOURSELF.
there's also always another way. don't be close minded and think that this is the only path to get to your destination. you're only limiting yourself if you've got that mindset. seek and you shall find alternative ways.
so yes,
M a r c h
F o r w a r d.
