Arsonist's Lullaby

Chapter 28 - Sam

"I'm sorry." I heard Jesse's deep voice say from beside me. Jumping in surprise, I turned to see him sitting at the end of my bed with a glass of orange juice and some aspirins. I wiped my face, knowing I probably looked puffy and gross.

"I thought you hated medicine?" I asked.

"I do, but Francesca said you had to take these or else you'd be feeling sick for the rest of the day." He said and handed them to me.

I mumbled a thank you and took the glass of orange juice from him. I felt him hesitate before handing me the pills.

"It's just aspirin." I tried to set him at ease knowing his deep hatred for pills.

He handed them to me quietly and watched as I took them with my orange juice.

"I'm sorry. For last night."

"You don't have to drink yourself to sleep."

"I know, but....you know."

Another pang of guilt stabbed at me knowing that his other remedy was having me sleep by his side but I kept quiet.

"What are you doing today?" I asked him setting my glass down. He shrugged in response.

"Let's finally go sight seeing. I've had enough of my family for now." I offered a smile but he looked the other way.

"Sam, I can't do this." He shook his head and I felt my gut drop.

"I can't keep pretending like there's nothing going on between us and then act like nothing's wrong every time you leave with him. It kills me and you know it." He slowly said, sitting in a chair by my bedside.

"What are you saying?" I asked quietly not wanting to hear him say it.

"I'm saying....I don't know Sam. I just can't do this anymore." He looked at me with his grey eyes and I watched myself in them.

"So we're done? Is that what you're trying to say?" I asked trying not to make my voice crack.

"Sam...."

"But that doesn't make sense right? It's not like we were anything to begin with." I scoffed softly.

He stood up and sat beside me, lacing his fingers with mine.

"I will never be done with you. Ever. But right now you have things to figure out and I'm just going to be in the way of that." He stroked my lips with his thumb and I felt my body ache from wanting to kiss him, to be closer to him.

"Are you leaving?" I whispered, afraid to hear his answer. He stared at me long and hard before shaking his head.

"I'm too selfish to leave without you by my side. I'm sorry." He half smiled and I smiled back, happy to hear that he was staying.

"We'll figure this out." I promised. I was selfish for keeping him here with me, but I couldn't bare the idea of being here without him. I needed him.

We sat in silence as he continued to glance at me and play with strands of my hair while I twisted the ring on his finger, bringing them to my lips to give each one a tiny kiss. I kissed his palm and he held my cheek, letting me lay my head in his hand before he finally spoke.

"I'm no good for you Sam. I'm just waiting for you to see it." He said quietly, pulling his hand away. Even though there was a small smile on his lips, I could tell that he was hurting.

"Don't ever say that." I frowned, tracing my fingers across his tiny scar. He pulled my hand away and I felt my lips tug downward.

"You made a promise to him and your family. He's a good guy Sam. I tried to hate him but I couldn't. If I was in his shoes, I'd be fighting till I was dead to get you back too." He pulled away and I stood up with him.