no homo, though → joshler

Prologue

First Person; Joshua Dun
—

"How do you break up with someone, in a like-" I pause, thinking of the right word. "a less harsh way?" I ask Billie, my best friend. She wasn't focusing on me, she was looking down at her phone, chewing on her "extra chewy" granola bar. "Eilish? Hello?" I try to gain her attention.

"Hm?" She looks up.

I roll my eyes and laugh. "I said 'how do you break up with someone in a less harsh way?'" Her eyes widen. I stare at her, a little confused at her reaction.

"You are not going to break up with Debby!" She shouts slightly, laughing a little. "Yes!" She laughs, with glee. See, this part took my confusion away. Billie and Debby despised each other. Debby was always getting my attention, because we were excited for a relationship; but whenever I gave Billie any attention, Debby wouldn't talk to me for days on end.

I know our relationship is very toxic, which is the main reason I'm getting out of it. I'm very unhappy, but I'd rather be nice about it than have it come up, out of the blue.

"Well, I am going to - believe it or not. I just don't love her anymore." I shrug. She smiles, and shrugs back.

"Be blunt about it, then. Just say 'I don't love you anymore. Goodbye,' and walk away." She says. I shake my head, and tell her that I don't just wanna break her heart. "Then make up a lie." She shrugs, tracing over the scars on her arm.

"What kind of lie?" I ask. Billie stops everything she's doing, and stares at the ground in front of her. That's her thinking face.

"Tell her you're gay." She suggests, and winks at me before we both burst out laughing. When we calm down, she speaks again. "But seriously. Tell her that you're gay."

"No way she would ever believe that," I say. Then Billie thinks again, spinning around in my computer chair.

"Then make her believe it," she snaps her fingers and stop the chair, looking at me; making it sound like such a good idea. 

"How would I even do that? Billie, I am not actually gay. You still know that right?" I say, chuckling a little bit.

"Of course I know that, headass." She responds. "If she says she doesn't believe you or what not, tell her you have a boyfriend - or your aiming to be dating a specific guy."

Okay, maybe a not so bad idea after all.

"Okay," I say and it got quiet between us again. Until I speak up; "what guy? There's like no guy in the school who would be willing to do that with me."

"First of all, please don't say 'do that' like you're going to have sex. That's not what I'm asking you to do." Billie speaks. "And what about that one kid, the gay one. Tyler?" She knits her eyebrows, trying to think if that was his name.

"Not happening!" I protest. "I'd prefer two straight guys, cause then it will mean nothing." Billie crosses her arms.

"With two straight guys, it would be harder to kiss for proof." Billie chews on her grey coloured hair. She has a point. A very valid one, at that.

"Ugh, fine." I shrug and so it was settled. Then Billie and I laugh and tease each other for the rest of the night, and whatever happens tomorrow - Billie has got my back, just like she always does.