Headfirst for You

Ch 11 Do You Wanna Touch Me?

•(A few days into Christmas Break)•

Gerard laid in his bed his face tired and dry from crying for three days straight.

Everything had fallen to shit.

It all started on the Friday school got out.

***
"Hey Frank..." Gerard sat on the bed looking at the phone that was on Frank's bedside table next to the Goonies clock.

"Hm?" Frank asked while looking at some developed photos through a special magnifying glass.

"When are you going to call that number?"

Frank stopped and placed the object down. "I don't know..."

"I can help you if you need me to. I'll even call it if you don't want to." Gerard offered. "I just think it will help. Don't you want to know your dad more?"

Frank sat down and sighed. "But what if he turns out to be a jerk? This whole persona and dream of having a cool dad would be ruined to shit."

"But that's what's eating at you. The fact that you know that's just what you made up."

Frank ran a hand through his hair. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Just call the damn number Frank! You don't have anything to worry about! Don't you remember the photo in the restaurant? That was taken after you were born. He looked like a fucking nice guy!"

"I don't want to Gerard!" Frank snapped, tears flinging onto Gerard's face.

That's when Gerard stopped. He fucking broke him. He had gone too far and he created a mess. "Frank... Frank I'm so sorry..." Gerard tried to reach out.

"...can I be left alone? Just for a bit?" Frank whimpered as he rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands.

Gerard sat there shocked cold but then he just nodded and kissed Frank's head and headed for the door.

"I'm not mad at you." Frank reassured.

Gerard wiped Frank's tears that had landed on his face. "I know."

When Gerard got home he went straight to Donald. He didn't know why but then again he wasn't thinking clearly. He didn't care that his mom was right there next to him on the couch and he didn't care that he was ruining Donald's shirt with fresh hot tears.

"What's the matter?" Donald held Gerard.

"I fucked up dad, I fucked up."

Donald was shocked to hear the foreign combination of words coming from Gerard and knew it was serious, with or without the swearing.

"I made Frank upset and I don't want to loose him." Gerard sobbed.

Donald's sighed and just rubbed his back.

"I love him too much." Gerard choked.

"I know you do."

"What are you talking about?!" Donna freaked out.

Donald looked up at his wife and mouthed "Not right now."

"Yes right now! Are you telling me that my son is-is-"

"Donna! Not right now!" Donald snapped.

"He is my son! Gerard, are you saying you like this boy?!"

Gerard just continued crying, eventually answering, "No...... I... I love him..."

Gerard felt like he was going to choke on hot tar. His skin was melting as he admitted that not only to his mom but to himself. It was a foreign word to use for a person for Gerard. He never loved his mom and he never thought to use it with his brother. And now here he was crying on Donald's shoulder and slicing his abdomen and spilling out his guts with a big gloppy plop.