Despondency

Forlorn

Forlorn: pitifully sad and abandoned or lonely.

Oikawa's P.O.V

My sleep was more tiring than restful. I kept dreaming that Iwaizumi and walking through the rain. But when we passed a bridge it would split in half and I would end up dangling for dear life with only one hand holding me.

Pathetic. I know.

The worst part was sophie would appear next to me also holding so she wouldn't fall into a black pit that was under us. But every single time Iwaizumi would choose her over me and i would fall into the dark pit where pain consumed me.

I heard the door open and my Aunt walked in. She gave me a warm smile that i tried to return but i'm a wreck right now.

"Ready to go Patch?"

I nodded and noticed that i must have slept through both classes. My eyes felt heavy and held a burning sensation. My back hurt from sitting on the chair for too long as well as my butt and my neck. Of course my heart and feelings hurt the most.

We gathered the things we needed and walked towards the parking lot.

"OIKAWA! WAIT PLEASE" I turned around and saw the last person I wanted to see. I was so close to getting inside the car. Yet there came Iwaizumi walking towards me.

No. Enough. I've had enough. My aunt was about to say something but I shook my head and turned to look at Iwaizumi.

"What?" I asked with hurt and hatred clear in my voice "didn't have enough fun? You want to see me cry? Scream and beg for you to stay? And honestly I considered it" I said with a sarcastic smile "How long huh? God you know what I don't give a fuck just how you didn't give a fuck. The fact that I still love you already stripped me of my dignity. I should hate you, despise you even" I chuckled cynically at this "but no I don't, so use that for self esteem. Use me like as if I'm nothing. Everything really meant that little to you? All the promises the memories?"

I was holding back tears at this point.

"No Oikawa please no. I love you. Please just calm down and let's talk about this"

"Okay then let me talk, so Haijime how was it kissing Sophie?" I said "I gave you everything yet you threw it away. I gave you true feelings and she opened her legs because don't you for a fucking second think I didn't know you fucked her" I walked towards him "I gave you a shoulder to lean on and a lifetime together filled with hope and happiness and what did she give you? 10 minutes of cheap sex."

I was letting everything out "but you know what? Fine. I'm not completely free of guilt. I played part in all of this. I let myself believe in you, I let myself think that you cheating was all part of my imagination. I let myself be used because i had so much trust in you." I leaned in close to his ear and whispered "but guess what honey? Now none of us get to be happy"

I turned around leaving him there speechless "if you love someone you value them you don't fuck their friend"

I walked toward the car and got in while my aunt started the engine and drove out of the parking lot. And for the hundredth time today I cried but not in front of him. It took everything in me to tell him all of that but all I want now is for him to hug me and tell me everything will be okay. But I can't because his hugs come with poison that cause me more harm than good.

"Oh honey, it'll be okay" my aunt said as she made her way towards our house.

He has her now and she has him. And I have broken feelings.

My aunt pulled into the driveway of our house. We lived in a two story house that had a pretty spacious yard. But the roof was my favorite part of the whole house. Since it had a flat roof I had a tent on top of the house that had all my stargazing equipment I had collected over time.

It was also decorated with things Iwaizumi put. And stuffed to the brim of memories with his face.

My heart ached to what I had to do for the next few hours. Which was get rid of every trace of Iwaizumi that was in my house.

God how fucking stupid can I be? The signs were so clear that he was cheating on me.

"Do you want to go to the mall to your favorite bakery?" Asked my aunt. I shook my head no "no, I have to clean my room and my tent of any trace of him".

She came over to me and gave me a tight hug "you are strong okay? So so strong" she kissed my forehead and we walked towards the house.

~
Oikawa's aunt knew how much he was hurting because she could also see the love he held for Iwaizumi. But love is a double edged sword and you learn to dominate it with pain or die trying.
~

I walked into my room and slumped down to the floor while gasping for air.

I stood up wobbling from side to side and tore down every picture and poster that had any trace of him. Cursing his name to whichever god could hear me.

A stuffed alien he gave me, a necklace, cards, clothes, anything and everything that pained me to look at. And everything left, the good memories and blissful feelings. They were swept away by the crashing waves of pain that only left sand for me to choke on. I got caught up in the wave and forgot I couldn't swim in the sea of emotions without drowning. So I drowned and drowned until I hit the dark and cold ocean floor where only lonely and desolate feelings roam.

My aunt had come into my room and dragged me out to the living room. She had found me clutching pictures of distant memories. I know she pained to see me like this.

She ended up grabbing trash bags and throwing away anything that had to do with Iwaizumi. She grabbed the gifts I had thrown on the floor. I would be lost without her.

I was on the couch wrapped in a blanket while I looked up at the ceiling. I checked the time and saw it was 6:18 pm. The sun was about to set.

I grabbed my blanket and a few trash bags and made my way up to the roof.

I am strong and I will get through this.

I kept repeating this to myself.

Once again I threw away any trace of him. All that was left was my stargazing equipment.

I carried out the bags outside to where the garbage truck would get it. My aunt had already set out the rest of the bags. At this point I didn't care if other people would view this as "over reacting".

I walked back into the house "I'll be in my room auntie, I want to shower and sleep"

"Okay honey, I love you"

"I love you too"

After crying on the shower floor I changed I to my most comfy clothes, played "could've been" by H.E.R. on repeat  and buried myself under my covers.

I looked to the floor and saw the alien plushie. My aunt must've missed it while throwing things away. I reached towards the floor and grabbed the plushie and held it close to my heart. My eyes hurt so much but I just couldn't stop myself at this point.

I had turned off all my lights and only left my star led lights. I drifted to a blank slumber and didn't dream anything but I did feel the misery. A forlorn attempt to numb the pain.