Despondency

Poignant

Trigger warning: mentions of childhood abuse, suicide, self harm and mentions of self harm As well as use of cigarettes . If you are easily triggered I suggest that you do not read the following chapter.

Poignant: evoking a keen sense of sadness or regret.

Oikawa's P.O.V.
I struggled through my whole morning routine while cursing out Monday and school and myself. Everyone except Kuroo was up and getting ready. The lucky bastard didn't have to go but he did say he'd bring some Wendy's for us during lunch.

I really did not want to go and face my problems because my life really would be much easier without all this teenage angst.

I looked in the mirror and i looked a mess, my hair was anything but decent and the bags under my eyes seemed to stand out a bit too much. I was wearing a black hoodie and dark gray sweatpants with black converse. In other words I was wearing the same thing I had worn yesterday.

I pulled up my sleeves and looked down at my pale arms and saw the small scars from the past. I had vowed to never go back to that Oikawa and the fact that i'm so close to going back scared me. I was almost hospitalized but Iwaizumi had helped me through it and would always clean my fresh cuts when he would find me on the floor crying. But now it's time to help myself get up. I Just hope i can make it.

I felt on the verge of a break down each step I took towards the car. I seriously did not want to go to school but how was I supposed to 'get over it' if I didn't face my problems.

Oh well I'll have to get through it even if I like it or not.

The day seemed to drag on horribly. I was more focused on dodging Iwaizumi and Sophie. I kept looking around to make sure I didn't run into either one.

I quickly slipped into my Aunt's room and saw Makki and Kuroo we're rolling around in the chairs. Of course they would.

"Patch!" I heard Kuroo say as he got up from the chair and grabbed a Wendy's bag and walked over to hand it to me.

I took it and went to go sit down at one of the desks. Aunty writing down notes for her next class.

"How you doing sweetie?" I heard her ask.

"I'm fine" I answered as I took out the fries and burger from the bag. I actually wasn't but nobody needs to know that, I also wasn't hungry. I hadn't been eating a lot.

"You sure?" Makki asked as he rolled over with his chair and stole one of my fries.

"Yeah." I slipped my straw into the cup and took a sip from the strawberry lemonade.

"We're here for you okay?" Kuroo said while he helped Aunty fix some papers.

I simply nodded and ate a fry. I wasn't in the state of mind honestly. All I wanted was to be with Iwaizumi like before. He helped me so much and I feel like shit for blocking out the people that want to help me.

I need Iwaizumi. He helped me through so much. He helped me stop self harming and made me love myself as a person. Now what? I feel lost. 4 years of my life were spent with him.

I got up leaving majority of my food untouched "I'm going to the bathroom". I got my book bag and walked out of the classroom.

I was headed for the rooftop. I needed fresh air and the weather was nice today.

I felt numb. Like nothing matters at this point and as cringy and cliche as it sounds I don't want to live without Iwaizumi but i have to.

He helped me when no else could. I found comfort in him and I found loyalty. But it's gone. Why did he have to do this to us?