Despondency

Perspicacious

Perspicacious: having a ready insight into and understanding of things.

Oikawa's P.O.V
I was awoken to the sound of a tall black headed nuisance tumbling into my room.

"Patch! Wake up! Hey!" I heard Kuroo say. I buried my head deeper into my mountain of blankets while clutching onto my alien plushie.

"We're going to the space museum!" I instantly got up at the words Kuroo said. I loved that place so much, I had been going there ever since I could remember. It was a 4 hour drive from here. I only went with Iwaizumi once and it was once of the best memories I had.

"That's right patch now come on Aunty and Makki are making breakfast" he gave me a tight hug that I returned "I need you to understand that if you survived and lived without Iwaizumi before you met him then you can do it now. I understand that after meeting someone things change but you have to learn and mature from this. I love you little bro"

"I love you too Kit Kat" I said "thank you"

"That's right! You're strong even if you don't notice it, now get ready so we can get on the road!"

I nodded quickly, it had been almost half a year I hadn't gone to the space museum and I was happy. I showered and changed into a pair of skinny jeans and a black hoodie. After putting on my shoes I went to brush my hair from its tangled and brush my teeth.

I grabbed my wallet, phone, charger and headphones.

I walked downstairs to the smell of fried bacon and eggs and blueberry pancakes. I love blueberry pancakes.

"Patch i your amazing brother Makki have made you your favorite breakfast"

I smiled at him while i sat down "Thank you"

I was feeling lost, I honestly didn't know what I should feel but then again whatever. I'm going to the space museum so I'm happy. I guess.

"Patch guess what?" Said Makki as he set his plate down.

"What?" I said as I cut off my first piece of pancake.

"I'm going to be your teachers assistant teacher!" He said smiling brightly at me.

"Really?! Fuck yes! You're a lifesaver Makki" I said because I had that class with Sophie and Iwa Chan.

Iwaizumi

Fuck this will take a while to get over.

"For fucks sake does anyone watch their language?" Aunty said while helping kuroo turn the stove off. The idiot still had trouble handling a stove which is why he never cooks.

"And yes our Gummy here gets to work with Mr. Dayen, he was going to work with me but I think it would be more convenient if he worked with Mr. Dayen since Makki is studying business and management I thought the personal finance teacher could give him insight on money saving and all that good stuff"

That was true Makki wanted to own a bakery. Ever since he was little he would be in the kitchen every chance he got. He was always making delicious things.

My aunt paid for exclusive classes on baking to further enhance Makki's talent. He was taking business and management to make it easier to open his store.

"That's great because I'm barely passing that class" I said.

"And I'll be picking both of you up since Aunty has to stay after school for learning center" said Kuroo as he sat down.

"Yes I sure do need to stay because teenagers don't remember the difference between meiosis and mitosis"

I was lucky that I didn't have to stay for learning center after school. But Aunty is wasn't so lucky she had to stay back and tutor her students that needed it.

~

The museum was perfect as always it was everything I needed to be content. Aunty bought me another NASA hoodie along with a metal mechanical pencil that was decorated with stars.

Makki and Kuroo were happy as well and along with my Aunt they managed to have me smiling the whole time.

I had decided that I needed that time for myself and summoned all my control to push Iwaizumi to the back of my thoughts.

The next day was spent out shopping and making crazy Snapchat stories. It gave me peace of mind but it didn't change the fact that when I was alone thoughts came back more deadly than ever.

The secrets that Iwaizumi and me shared and the trust we had that I thought was unbreakable.I hated how dependent on him I am. Before I hadn't noticed it but now it's clear as ever just how dependent on him I was. This needed to change.

Resentment was evident and the string of memories still hung in my mind. But jeez why do I still love him? It's dumb and stupid. It's painful and tiring but I keep coming back for this poisonous love.
~
It was Sunday night and I was dreading going back to school tomorrow. I can't afford to skip school because I'm on my senior year and attendance is crucial at this point. I can't let this affect my grades but fuck I just really want to stop caring altogether right now. 4 years does a lot to someone. But I can't let my aunt down like this and I won't let myself down like this.

My room was dead silent and my tears stopped coming. I need to get up from this pit of pain. I will get over this but at the moment I have no energy to do so.

But one thing is for sure, I'll have to start by taking Iwaizumi out of my life.

I walked down to the living room where I heard the tv was on and saw Makki sitting there.

"Hey" I said as I sat down next to him on the couch

"Hey Patch" Makki said as he covered me with the blanket he was using "you look dead"

"I feel like it" I answered back as I leaned on his shoulder

"Oh patch, I hate to see my little bro so pained but let me tell you something okay? Have you heard of absurdism?" Makki said looking down at me.

I had never heard the term before and i'd honestly rather be here than second guessing myself in my room alone.

"No, what is it?"

"Well absurdism is the belief that exist without purpose and live in a chaotic universe. At the end of the day you can eat a sandwich or go and kill your worst enemy because it's all pointless and meaningless right? Well that's what absurdism is about. You have choices and all these choices have outcomes and consequences so it doesn't matter which one you choose there will be a result. So in the end you have to choose which one better benefits you. You can go through the struggle of making a sandwich of hiding a body." Makki gave me a small smile and I knew this was his way of telling me to be strong and get through this.

"Albert Camus was an expert at this philosophy and he once said 'the realization that life is cannot be an end, but only a beginning' so don't let this infidelity be the end of your feeling okay? Take what happened and learn from it because this isn't the end of you."

"Thank you Makki I really needed to hear that and I think absurdism describes life greatly" I let out a deep breath "you're a very perspicacious person"

"I guess so, most definitely and why be heartbroken when there's millions of memes and vines out there?"