Circus (Harry Styles)

Chapter 21.

Harry's point of view.

I rub my eyes to fully wake up to get ready for the day.  I throw on an old, black tank and step out of my tent.  I need to forget about Belle for now, the show must go on.  And it starts in just a few hours. 

I walk to the cook shack and pick up a piece of toast and fling some bacon on top.  
"You don't want a plate with that?" Lucy is standing behind the table with an apron on.
"I'm alright Luce" I say and move onto more important matters.

I walk to the clown alley to see Zayn and our First of May (a newly added performer for the season) practicing some practical jokes on each other and testing the laugh factor with the children of the circus.  Zayn stops as soon as I walk in and walks up to me.
"How is everything?" he says with timid eyes.  I am not my father, I wish people weren't so fucking scared of me all of the time.
"Fine" I say, "I want you to open the show today."
"Really?" he says and a smile stretches from ear to ear, "you mean that sir?"
"Keep on practicing" I start to walk off to assess the next act.
"Thank you, so much" Zayn is continuing to smile as if I've just told him it's Christmas.

The sun is beaming down on my bare shoulders and it is only 10 in the morning.  It's going to be a long, sweaty day for us lot, I must ensure everyone stays hydrated.  I don't want any performers dropping like flies in the ring.
"Keep the water up for everyone today, will you Lucy?" I call out to the cook shack on my way to the animal enclosures.
She nods and smiles from afar and I nod back.

As I walk toward the elephant enclosure I see Zara and Elle practicing their act.  I must admit, as soon as we took Elle the Magnificent into our family, I knew our intake would increase.  Tickets sold faster than I've ever seen before.  When we bought Elle, we were in a bad way.  No towns wanted to see us thanks to my old man's mischief over the years.  We were known as a fireball - a circus with a bad reputation that did more harm than good to the circus name for all other travellers.  Elle was the one thing that made the Rubes (towns people) willing to look past our dirty behaviour and return to the big top. Elle was my saving grace.

"Morning" Zara smiles with one hand running up and down Elle's large front leg.
I nod and walk towards Elle, pat her on the trunk and smile.  Elle's eyes glisten at me and I know she's happy to see me, too.
"What brings you to this end of the backyard?" Zara questions.
"Wanted to make sure all is going well" I say and stand back to watch them practice.

Zara's bond with Elle is just mindblowing, even to me.  They are best friends and no one could tear them apart, I've never seen quite a connection between human and animal.  As they conclude their 5 minute act, I give them a standing ovation and clap.
"Bravo" I smile.
"Thanks Boss" Zara chirps, "thanks so much!"
"Can I ask you a question?" she looks up at me, seemingly thinking I'm about to bite her head off.  She works one on one with the biggest, strongest animal in circus history, yet she is scared of me.
"Yes" I say, "go on..."
"Why are we here for so long?" she quizzes me, "I mean, it's fine... we are selling so many tickets and I guess that is good... but usually we would have moved on by now." her nose is scrunching up as she thinks about it.  "Is there something keeping us here, Harry?"
"It's complicated" I say.  Truth be told, it is the most complicated situation I have ever found myself in, and I am not sure how to explain it to Zara.  She has a genuinity about her, I want to trust her. 
"Oh" she nods and looks back at Elle.
"I want to explain it to you... to someone.  But I don't really know where to start."
"Try me" she says, her dark brown, innocent eyes staring right up at me.

"There's something here" I begin to say, "and I can't leave until I get it.  Do you remember when we got Elle?  How the Circus needed her? Well the Circus needs this, too."
Zara looks at me for a few seconds before answering.
"Is this something that the Circus needs, Harry? Or somethig that you need?" she asks, and to be quite honest, I am not sure what my answer is anymore.
"Better start practicing" I snap and walk away, knowing full well that Zara didn't deserve that.  Sometimes I wonder if I am more like my father than I thought.

I return to the backyard and help the men set up one of the large props for this afternoon.  It's a tough job that requires strength and stamina.  I relieve some of my frustrations as I put my entire body strength into pulling, heaving and pushing. 

I am an awful, awful, shit person.  My intentions were to stop by this town to simply pick up something that is mine.  Something we should have had all along.  Something this circus needs.  The money maker we've been missing. But I've fucked up.  I have fallen in love with her, instead.