Circus (Harry Styles)

Chapter 22.

Bit of a different chapter for you. Wanted to delve a bit deeper into Belle's thoughts. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

I haven't spoken to my Dad since the other night when he arrested Niall and punched Harry in the face. I haven't been able to bring myself to. I have crept downstairs like fifty times with the intention of speaking with him but as soon as I see him I remember the embarrassment, frustration. The way he acted. He was on such a power trip and Niall especially did nothing to deserve that.

I haven't spoken to Harry for a couple days, either. Not since I stopped it from going to far, and him telling me to stay away from him "for my own good". I don't want to stay away, but I'm not sure what else to do. I was certainly changing whenever I was with him, and I don't want to be that girl. The girl who drops all of her beliefs and morals for the boy she likes. I hate that girl.

I really miss the circus, though. Everything about it. The other day as I was driving to work, I looked out of the window and stared at the circus show grounds. I couldn't see much beyond their several vans and trucks. The more I think about them and what their life must be like, the more I just want to go over there and have another look for myself.

The more I stay away from Harry and the big top, the more I just want to go back. My life is okay, I love my parents, despite my Dad's actions the other night. They've been the best parents I could possibly ask for. They're supportive, warm and always do whatever they think is necessary to give me the greatest life possible. God, I love my parents. I have a good job, too. Well, at least a good paying job. And I have friends. Not particularly wonderful friends, but they're my friends. And I enjoy watching movies at home on a Saturday night. But is this all I want? Is this life enough?

I'm not saying I want to join the circus. But I'm curious. I just want to know what it's like, to travel with the 'greatest show on earth'. They seem to be such a close knit group, like a huge family of their own. I can't imagine traveling with them would be anything but enchanting. To have bears, elephants and lions as their loving pets. To be that fit. To be that beautiful, graceful. And to show off their talents to the rest of the country every week. I'm sure it would be exhausting, too. It couldn't not be. But I haven't seen that in any of the artists' faces. They wear their gorgeous, dazzling costumes and perform like it is the last time they'll ever have the chance to. Everyone I have seen in the circus is beyond beautiful. Like they're not quite human. Too perfect to be true. I haven't met many of them, but the ones that I have almost make me starstruck.

It's not only the people that have me mesmerized. It truly is the circus as a whole. I even wonder what their tents are like inside, the ones I haven't seen. I think about what their schedules might be like. When a circus worker wakes up in the morning, what the hell do they have in store for them? Surely it's nothing like my 9-5 at the markets type of day, followed by a movie or an America's Next Top Model marathon.

I know I have a great life and I'm not saying I don't. Nor am I saying I want the circus life. But all I know, is that the nights that I have stepped foot into the big top, something inside of me has been set alight. It's a combination of things. The colours, the way the performers project their voices, the smell of hot donuts and freshly cut grass, the warmth of the enclosed tent, the traditional, magical circus vibe. Everything. When I walk into that big top, I walk out of this average world and into a new, mystical world. Time stands still and I don't have to think about anything but what is in that ring.

I wish I could stop thinking about that place. Those people. Their life. I want to stop, so bad. It's beginning to take over my thoughts. I spent a 5 hour shift today thinking about the clown acts. I know I have an unhealthy obsession. That's not even what stresses me, though. I just want to know why I am so hypnotized.

Having a few drinks with merely a couple of the artists, in the dark, behind the big top has been great. But it's only the smallest, tiniest glimpse of the circus life. I really do not have the slightest idea as to what it's like. What they're like. I know that.

It's a Thursday night and I'm curled up on the couch with Mom watching a soppy romance movie. I think it's a Ryan Gosling movie. Or maybe a Hugh Grant one? I'm not sure, I have spent the past two hours thinking about what is down the street, instead.

I slip into bed feeling unsatisfied, so I pick up my laptop and search "The Majesty Circus" again. I find their website and fall asleep re-reading the write ups on the "greatest show on earth".

--------------------------------------

Thanks all for reading!

SO....because SO many of you are starting to follow Circus chapter by chapter, I KNOW that I can get more than 34 votes as there are at least 200 ish of you reading within just a day or two of my posting! Hehe.

So here's the next voting goal which yes, will be a bit of a jump...

Votes: 50 !! Comments: 50 as well!

What this means is that all of you who are only reading may have to also vote TOO! Yeah...that means YOU!! Just press the star to the right (or bottom if you're on your phone). That easy! And comment as well :) and PRESTO! One step closer to the next chapter.

I shall update in my own time anyway, but if you want to know what happens to Belle next SOON, then click that lucky star! And don't forget to comment too!

Love to you all :) Also I hope you do get to the 50 vote goal soon because there is a really good scene coming up and I just want to upload it already! haha