Goodbye Henry

Smile

The smile. The classic way of showing happiness and joy. I must of plastered a million smiles on my face at school the following months.

I wasn't happy was I? Of course not. How could I ever be happy after that? I had lost the most important person in my life and had to go through everyday like I hadn't. I had to walk the blue and white painted walls, past the white and blue lockers and the glass doors into the white classrooms. I had to sit at my grey desk and look at the white board and watch the teachers pink lips move to explain Darwin's theory.

It was like a repetition sequence. Do the same everyday, look and speak to the same people. Remember that smile I mentioned? yeah I would put that on with every interaction I had and lower my head at every mention of Henry's name. The questions of how am I doing got less regular and it was easier to get away with keeping my head down.

Teachers still gave me sorrowful looks and Mrs Hunt didn't even try to hide her sympathy look. She would be smiling and laughing but at the slight glance of me her face changed and gave me a "reassuring" smile.

I walked home alone, always stopping by Henry's house to see Joy in the front garden. She sat without a smile on her face and small movements with her toys. She rarely smiled at me as I undid the gate latch and crouched by her. She would lift her arms as a sign for me to lift her into my lap. She barely moved herself now.

Joy's gleaming eyes mimicked Henry's and I always looked at them like they were his.

This precious angel had too much to handle and she was only 9. She lost her parents two years ago and now her one and only brother. How was that fair? Of course it wasn't what a stupid question.

"You okay joy bean?" I asked as the precious girl cradled in my lap.
"Hospital this week" she responded in her light voice
"Oh no, what for?" I asked and shifted her so her eyes met mine
"My neuro....neur..." she paused as she tried to think of the pronunciation "its a check up" she said in the end
"Hope everything goes well for you princess" I hugged her tightly
"It will, Henry's coming too" the words made everything go slowly. What? Henry was dead.
"H-henry?" I stammered
"Yep!" She giggles adorably. Henry couldn't go? How could I tell her that?
"Joy...Henry can't go?" I was questioning as I said the obvious fact.
"But why?" She looked at me innocently
"We had his funeral last month....Henry's dead baby" a tear started forming in my eye and I wiped it away.
"He told me he would" she looked so confused
"When?" I pushed
"Yesterday" her expression didn't change
How could he of told her yesterday that he would go with her? Henry had been dead for weeks and his funeral was over and gone. My heart was pounding but I had to stop being hopeful, she's young and oblivious. Maybe this was just her healing process...

"Joy, can you explain when this happened" I knew she could sense the fear in my voice as she adjusted herself.
"I was sat in my room and I wrote on a piece of paper Henry come back I still need you and then when I folded it and put heaven on the front" she paused "Layla said that's where Henry is, in heaven so that's where I sent it" she smiled at me before continuing "the next day it was gone from our mailbox and when I turned around Henry was stood there holding it" she looked at her toys and back at me.

I only sat stunned. I did want Henry back because I still needed him but it's too late.

"Are you sure it was Henry?" I questioned
"One million percent" she laughed adorably and I couldn't close her happiness.
"That's amazing cutie, I have to get home now but you'll say hi to Henry from me won't you?" I started to stand up and move joy but she said something else.
"He said he can't see you just yet because he has some stuff to do" she said softly before returning to play and I couldn't ask anymore questions.

I smiled until she was out of sight and I let my face relax. I so desperately wanted to believe but I couldn't. I had seen the casket, it wasn't open but he had to be in there. Thousands on thousands of thoughts raced in my head. Henry wasn't alive was he? It was too big to be a hoax and I'm sure I would know right?

I was his best friend and he told me everything. Right?