Goodbye Henry

Christmas

Christmas was amazing. I would wake up to hot coco and cookies on my bedside from mum. Go downstairs and open my stocking with mum and more recent Christmas's mums boyfriend would join us after seeing his family. Best of all in the evening we would go to the Rogers household and watch a few Christmas movies and maybe me and Henry would go upstairs instead. It was always so fun. We did it every Christmas since I can remember.

It was always so perfect. The decorations and the feelings and just the joy. It was the best time ever. Joy would be so adorable and happy and so would Henry.

When Henry's parents died only he and Joy came round to ours so we didn't fully loose the tradition but now? Now what will happen? Joy is welcome to come alone but I don't know. It won't be the same.

I remember last Christmas, not that long ago but still it seems longer because I can't remember it the same way anymore. Henry and I watched 2 movies with my parents and joy.
Her face lighting up at the happy scenes all too cute. She got picked up earlier and Henry stayed.

That Christmas was special because it was different.

Henry and I went upstairs and put some music on and danced for it was Christmas and why waste it? When we both fell on my bed laughing time seemed to slow right down.

Everything went still and I looked at Henry lying so close. I was resting on his shoulder from where we were dancing and fell onto my bed. His breathing was soft and his eyes glistened in the light.

I just looked at him. The lines of his face and perfect colour of his eyes. I felt his hand tighten around my waist and his sat up and pulled me up with him. My legs rested over his and his hand rested around my waist as I was next to him.

It was the small moments like this where I didn't feel like just his best friend.

His eyes met mine. The eye contact was long enough to mean something.
"I love you Henry" I smiled and he did too.
"I love you too Lu" he said softly and rested his forehead against mine.
Henry was the most important person in my life and he meant everything to me. Although when I said I love you it was as a friend sometimes it felt real.

My eyes opened slowly and met Henry's. Our faces were so close together but I didn't move away. His eyes shifted downwards and I blinked out of this moment.

That's when things changed for a split second.

As I started to walk away and move my hands from his shoulder he held my wrist. He held it for a second before pulling me closer to him again. I just stood in front of his knees looking down to him in confusion.

As time moved like a snail he stood up Over me as usual and still held my arm.

He pulled my wrist up to his shoulder again and let go so it rested there. My mind was blank. What was happening?!

That's when his hand moved to my cheek and he pushed my hair behind my ear.

This was way to American movie.

In the next second his lips were on mine and I just stopped for a second. I didn't know what to do!

I didn't like Henry like that but then again it was Henry. Henry Rogers my best friend who I could see myself end up with. Time was just still as my eyes remained closed and the situation frozen. I didn't want to push him off but I don't want to ruin things.

My arms clasped together over his shoulders and held him close and I just let myself relax. I wasn't going to overthink this moment when I didn't need to.

But seriously...what the fuck?

As I lay in bed with Henry on the floor next to me I couldn't even try sleep. I had just kissed my best friend! That was never supposed to happen right?

Henry was the person I always imagined when I imagined my perfect guy but I didn't want him specifically I don't think. I was stuck between are we perfect for each other and should I just accept that or was it beyond the valley of wrong.

The next thing I remember was Henry jumping onto my bed and the sound of my alarm soon faded in. I groaned because I'm far from being a morning person but then I remembered the night before. I shot up to Henry so close and he just smiled.

I didn't react.

"You okay?" He lifted an eye brow in confusion
"Uh yeah yeah fine" I knew it sounded fake as I said it. I darted my eyes anywhere but his face. I felt his hand lift my chin and soon my eyes were Met with his once again.
"Lu..."he paused and moved his hand to my cheek and relaxed.
"Yeah?" Panic was still in my voice and my eyes studied his face in seconds
"Uh I..." he paused and his thumb stroked my cheek.
I didn't speak anymore. I was so confused at his deal. I thought he never saw me like that and maybe I didn't see him like that either.

I didn't have much time to think before he kissed me again. Longer than yesterday's and again I didn't push him away. It was kind of nice this time. It wasn't so shocking and new, I let it happen. My hands moved from my duvet and round his neck again and he leaned closer to me as I lost any sense of reality around me. It felt like forever until I opened my eyes and realised what was happening. We weren't sat up anymore but laying with him over me and I had no choice but to push him off this time. The situation went too far.

I didn't know what else to do so I ran out of my room. Yes my own room. The situation was too new and weird but why did I let it last?

I sat on the floor in the hall alone because I was stuck now. Stuck with 10 thousand thoughts in my brain.

Henry Rogers is my best friend but was he my soulmate too?