Goodbye Henry

Pebbles

I sat holding the small pebbles from a holiday years and years ago. A holiday that Henry came on with me.

It was Spain. I remember the hot weather and sandy beaches. We found these small and shiny pebbles which we took with us.

There were about 10, and we painted things on them to remember stuff. It was fun and cute and now they just sat on my desk in the corner, on a small dish from a market or something.

I felt like I should throw this stuff away, maybe make it easier to not remember things that would only hurt to remember. I didn't.

Harry kept me happy and it was only when I was alone did I ever really falter.

My phone buzzed with a text from Harry which averted my attention.

"Hey cutie, want to hang out in an
Hour?" I read it slowly

"Uhhhh...sure yeah I'm free" I responded quickly.

My phone buzzed with a message reading okay and I just left my phone on my desk and instead read through the left files.

I couldn't leave it. I hadn't checked them since Harry told me to leave them and joy said what Henry supposedly said to her. I guess it felt kind of weird.

I just let it be.

I did feel alone sometimes, on the nights Harry didn't stay late or overnight and I was truly alone did I address it. I knew deep down Henry was dead but the recently surfaced stuff made me question.

When Henry let me down, the few times that it happened, it hurt as bad as being stabbed. I was let down by the one person I trusted more than anything, no matter how small it still made me feel like I couldn't ever be good enough to be his first priority...

I sometimes felt like his first priority when it was just us but when he was with Kyra it felt like I dropped 10 spaces.

I was never prioritised over her, even though I understood why, it was just something that made me feel like I was never good enough.

I never told him that though.

Henry liked the curvy, long hair and always perfect looking girls. I didn't have the time to look constantly photogenic so I never was. Simple as.

I didn't need to get Henry's attraction, despite the fact that I did at one point... that was pointless.

He's gone now, those feelings dieing with him.

Despite him liking me at a point; let's face the reality. He hadn't seen anyone else around in some time and he was a guy, looking for anything. I was there.

Henry never had a 'type', even though crushes and short term relationships, all the girls were curvy and beautiful.

Me however a complete mess with scruffy buns or low ponytails, not looking at all good in the black basic school uniform. How was it Styled to look so good on them?!

It never bothered me about looks, I was comfortable rather than fidgety yet perfect. Who was I trying to impress?

I didn't look good when I met Harry or any day after that (although him telling me differently) and that was fine with me.

I didn't need to hate on myself when things weren't changing, it would make everything worse. Honestly.

-3 hours later-

"Come on...just talk to me" Harry pleaded for the 5th time as I still didn't respond.

He mentioned the shifted files on my desk and didn't stop questioning me so I stopped talking all together.

"You didn't like my answers yet you want the truth?" I faced him instead of the window now.

"I just don't want you stuck on a dead case forever" he said

"You just don't want me to be thinking of another guy" I tilted my head sarcastically

"Well that too" he paused and flicked his eyes down "I feel like your hiding something" he looked at my again.

"Huh?" I even heard the panic in my voice

"You can't be this attached and annoyed or I don't know...I can't explain it but there's a lot of unexplained feelings for being 'best friends and nothing harmless' as you put it" he didn't move his chocolate eyes from my face

"He's dead, what does it matter?" I said

"What it matters is that your stuck on it, almost a year later" he frowned which made me instantly sink with guilt.

"We were just best friends" I paused "I promise" I finished.

"I think you've been fine without him, and will continue to be" his voice softened and I looked out the window at the rain again.

"I've even been happy" I mumbled

"So what's the problem?" He questioned

"It would of been easier" I sighed "to be happy with him here" I bowed my head so I only saw my intertwined hands underneath my knees.

I heard the soft footsteps of Harry walking towards me.

"I know you can't live life without him as easily as you did with him, but you have to try." He pushed my hair behind my ear. "You need to leave this behind now, or it won't get any easier" he said softly

I knew how right he was. I just didn't want the truth to be so hurtful, although it's been like that for the last 9 months. Truth being nothing but hurtful.

I nodded in agreement although I knew I wouldn't be forgetting this that easily.