Purify me

4/7/19

I dont know

How to write down

What I'm feeling.

It's a combination

Of nothing and everything,

Of this hollow feeling in my chest

And the reminder that im alive

By the silent thump of my heart

In the emptiness of

The chasm.

It's also an overwhelming sense of

Dread

Filled with endless fountains

Of childlike hope,

I feel like something

Is about to go batshit crazy

But I'm excited for it to happen.

I know that I'm

Not making any sense but,

I dont know how

To make sense of

My feelings.

I guess it's because now

I'm back on the dreaded path

Of relapsing every other day,

Even when I try my hardest.

At least I know what

I'm getting myself into,

And even though I still wish that

I could stop it,

The routine being back

Which

Feels kinda nice

In a strange way.