white night || minsung

- 12 - Silk -

As if this is the last time

"You."

Minho blushed. Hard.

He squirmed back down in his seat, trying to ignore the great, smothering waves of joy that were thrashing around in his chest.

Rain started to fall in gentle pitter-patterings on the roof of the car, and Minho could feel Jisung's eyes watching him desperately, but he couldn't bring himself to look up.

Instead he gently reached out and interlaced their hands and tapping his fingers carefully against the back of Jisung's palm.

He could feel Jisung's whole body tense at the movement, and it didn't relax, he felt so fragile beneath Minho's fingers. So beautifully, beautifully fragile.

"His name was Sam."

It was like the whole car had been placed placed in a freezer, the air went cold and Jisung gently tried to take his hand out of Minho's.

But Minho didn't let him, he just held on tighter.

"His name was Sam."

"Minho, you don't-" Jisung began, desperately trying to claw his fingers out of Minho's without hurting the other boy. He could feel his heart being pulled tighter with each mention of the name.

"He was my best friend, and I wanted him to be my soulmate so badly I knew it would never happen. I loved him since the day I met him, since before I knew what love was." Jisung gave in and let Minho's now slightly shaking hand lie in his own.

Minho watched in soul-crushing concern as Jisung closed his eyes, trying to hide the tears falling from them, they fell in time with the rain.

"And then he was. He was mine and I promised myself I would never let him go, I would never let him feel like no one loved him, I would never let him feel alone.

My mum was less than impressed my soulmate was a boy, but I was with Sam so none of that mattered.

I didn't have him for long enough. His family were going away for the week. He gave me a hug goodbye, and then he got in the car and I never saw him again.

As they pulled out of his drive, he wrote  a parting message on my the inside of his wrist. I know you know which one I mean, everyone's eyes always stray to it, I kind of hate how they do, but that is a scar I will never cover up.

That morning I nearly hadn't gone to say goodbye to him, because was tired and I was grumbling that it was too early to get up and I'd see him in a week anyway."

Minho hadn't blinked, watching Jisung. Not wanting to push too far, but wanting him to know. Wanting to know who Sam had been to him.

"Chan had made me get up, he'd stayed over for a sleepover the night before, he said I should go, because I might regret it if I didn't. He just meant I'd miss him, but he was more right than either of us suspected. He'd always been very mature, always had had a very interesting take on love.

He grew up too fast.

We were sat on the floor of my room playing Mario Kart when my skin started to feel like fire.

There was no question of what was happening, no one had to tell me, but I would not believe it. He was not gone."

Jisung just scrunched his eyes tighter and bit his lip, feeling more pain than he had felt in a very long time.

"Ji-" Minho's voice broke. "Jisung say something."

Jisung shook his head gently, squeezing Minho's hand in his own. So Minho decided to continue.

"Then I thought it was Chan, but I knew I could never love him like that. Not because of Sam, because Chan was my brother. I knew the bond was wrong.

I was not surprised when the scars started appearing, when they left angry red marks on my skin.

I started going to the hospital, I would tell no one."

Seeing Chan fall in love with Jeongin made all the days of loneliness and secrets worth it.

Chan loving without guilt was all Minho could give him and so he would give it until it was being wrung from his  wretched, dying soul.

"I never felt the way I did around Sam about anyone else.

Until after the day I went over to see Seungmin."

Minho placed his other hand on top of Jisung's, not sure if this was the right thing to say, but wanting to finally tell the truth.

To get rid of all the secrets he had been holding for so long.

"Felix was playing some game on the PlayStation and I went through the apartment to see Seungmin, opening what I thought was his room."

Minho's voice was wavering now.

"I opened the door as quietly as I could, thinking the silence inside would indicate he was asleep. But you were there, sat on the window ledge, a book forgotten in your lap. White earphones stark against your skin, you had your eyes closed, head resting against the window. Silhouetted by street lights and the moon reflected in the smattering of rain drops on the window."

The repetitive rhythm of the falling rain on the roof of the car seemed to accentuate Minho's breathing and the movement of Jisung's body as it began to shake gently. 

"I closed the door quickly, and went to see Seungmin, but that image of you stayed in my mind. You looked so peaceful, but so sad. And I didn't know why, but I wanted to hug you until all the sadness in your eyes and in your heart went away.

The more I talked to you the more like Home you felt, but I was scared. Of losing Sam, of loving someone else.

I wouldn't let myself fall again.

Then whenever I was near you, some of the deepest cuts of words on my arm would start healing. Start disappearing.

Chan and Jeongin still weren't talking and I was terrified.

I started going to see Dr Hyo, no one knew what was happening. But I knew that I would again have to keep this a secret.

The more time I spent around you, the more I knew it was right, even if the part of me that thought that was pushed to the very back of my mind. I knew it was you."

"B-but Sam...." Jisung finally spoke up.

"I guess that's something I'll have to work out." Minho knew he didn't have all the answers, but the only thing he could always count on being certain of, was how much he wanted Jisung to know he loved him.

But this was not the time. Jisung was looking at him with eyes like whirlpools and Minho could pretty much hear his heart cracking in his chest.

So he just leaned awkwardly over the gear stick and pulled Jisung against him, wrapping him in the warmest hug he could manage.

Praying it would do something to help.

When he felt Jisung's tears soaking into his shirt he just clung tighter.

"I will stay by your side forever." Whether you love me back or not. I will support you until after the end.

A/N - I am so very tired.

Munich was cool, I bought a biscuit, no where sells crisps and apparently the only shop they have is H and M

But they did have lots of nice churches and squares and stuff

I hope you're all having a good dayyyy ilyyyyy  -Kz xx