Princess In High School

Chapter 5: Why Is He Here?

I stared longingly at Chadwick, because even in moments where critical thinking was necessary, I had nothing to contribute besides my glossy eyes and perfectly winged liner. My dad said he wondered if I had two braincells to rub together. I think he should've backed off, because my secret multi-trillionaire boyfriend was paying for our army. 

Speaking of which, a sewer grate popped open and out crawled Jarden Lowell XIV, the man who paid for my ball gowns in exchange for me massaging his foot corns. 

"Hello, Lady Catalonia! Do you need help getting down? I'll do anything for my sweet melted candy bar." I loved the pet names he gave me, like "my wife's sleep paralysis demon" or "reason I'm being put on a register." By the way, he was 79 and I was 15. Sounds like a perfectly healthy ship.

Chadwick looked at him, bewildered. He suddenly stopped frying in the sun for some reason. "It wasn't because of the sunlight," he explained to me. "It was because I sensed another male vying for the affection of my mate. Everyone knows vampires don't burn in the sun unless they wear sunscreen. It's the opposite of humans." 

I sat in the tree as my school uniform skirt (which took 0.2 yards of fabric to make) snagged on a thorny branch. "Wow, great worldbuilding, but I need to get down. Jarden, Chadwick, there's something we need to sort out."

Suddenly, both Chad and Jar Jar Banks (that's what I call him because he gives me money hehe) flew up into the tree and grabbed me. There was no previous evidence of them being able to do this, but I needed to get down at some point.

Unfortunately, my skirt tore in half, leaving my, ahem, unmentionables  fully exposed. Hold on. I feel like I've heard that comedic device in a Wattpad story before. Never mind. Sometimes I throw too much shade. It's just what sassy kweens do :P.  

(PSA: please don't use "teen lingo" in your stories, even if you are a teen. It doesn't work in writing the way it does in conversation. But let's move on. We've got a cringeworthy YA love triangle unfolding before us.)

Jarden looked over Chadwick and then looked back at me. "You're telling me this boy  has been recieving your affection instead of me? That is abhorrent and I will not stand for it." His shining amber face marbles gleamed in the sunlight.  

I still had nothing to say. How could I get out of this mess? I was racking my airy brain for ideas when the problem suddenly solved itself.

I turned to my right and saw Chadwick ripping Jarden's face off!

I was horrified. I screamed softly, "Stop killing him, Chaddy! You know I only love you!"

Chadwick paused and looked up at me quizzically. "What?" His mouth sounded full for some reason. 

"He was implying that I loved him instead of you."

He spit out a chunk of flesh. "That one had a bone in it."

Now I have to live with the knowledge that my boyfriend is a people-chomping vampire. Maybe I should've gone with Zayn Malik.

"Do you believe Jarden? Do you think that I love him more than you?"

Chad continued staring at me with big, confused eyes. He looked like a dog that had been yelled at for peeing on the rug. He had no clue what was going on or why I was upset. He just knew that I was interrupting him.

"Wait--did he say that? I was just mad because he was breathing on  me and it was hot."

This comic deflation makes no sense. "But didn't you smell him?"

"I did, but that's not why I ate him. I just figured your rich-guy boyfriend would have some mints on him or something. Besides, I like my prey hot."  He did a weird Micheal Jackson pelvic thrust and winked at me. 

I couldn't take it anymore. I started running to show the readers that I'm free and independent like a bird. The wind was in my hair and a slight breeze tickled my exposed buttcheeks. I forgot about the skirt thing. Oh well. I needed to go back to my kingdom and clear my already empty head.