My life as of now

Why me

WHY ME ? WHY ME ? WHY ME ?

I have asked myself this question every day since the incident I'm not gunna say what the incident is. But if you know what it is you're lucky you get to know what I'm talking about.

WHY ? HOW COME ?
COULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT?

as to why idk I guess I was just the one who was picked from the hat of names for I didn't do anything that every one else hasn't done at some point in there life?
How come I did what I did I knew it was wrong when I was doing it but yet I kept doing it with no remorse until my name was drawn and I got see what I was doing and how much of a monster I really was I have no forgivness for even my self . I go thru each and every day feeling sorry not for my self but for those I hurt. I feel nothing but sorrow for those I hurt I don't feel happiness I don't feel anger I don't feel here I don't feel wanted I don't feel that I am looked at the same, I DONT FEEL
But for those I hurt I feel everything for those people but I feel nothing for myself

Could it have been different?
Yes it can always be different but you have to choose to make it different and unfortunately I didn't I'm not a first time offender for I have repeatedly made the same mistakes over and over again even after being caught for the first time but I chose
To keep
Going and I have no one else to blame for the way I feel other then my self
I played the game and I lost it was fun while it lasted but that game sucks when you lose but you don't really win do you you just keep playing till you don't anymore RIGHT?
Or am I just seeing wrong AM I?