Robbers - [joshler au]

Chapter 8.

Trigger Warning

//

Drug & alcohol use; marijuana, cocaine.
X Rated Scene Ahead

Start the song. It's You And I - Stripped by PVRIS.

Josh woke up alone the next morning, just like he expected. He reached a hand over to the right side of the bed, where Tyler would've been, and sighed to himself. He hated last night with a passion. He wanted to hate Tyler for not being able to hold off doing cocaine so soon after what could've happened to him, but he couldn't. He felt incredibly selfish for expecting Tyler to be able to get clean so easily, and he felt incredibly stupid for acting the way he did about it. He brushed his cheek with his hand, remembering the harsh slap Tyler sent to his face and he cringed in on himself. He probably scared the shit out of Tyler when he nearly threw him against the wall. He felt awful.

He climbed out of bed slowly, running his tongue under his top lip, remembering the feeling of the cocaine rubbed into his gums. He sighed heavily before raising from the bed and going into the en suite, flipping on the light switch and turning on the faucet in the sink. He gripped the sides of the sink in frustration before filling his hands with water and splashing his face, rubbing the water over his skin. He shook his head briefly, thinking of what he would say to Tyler when he left the room. That is, if Tyler was still there. He grabbed a towel and dried his face, throwing on a pair of sweatpants and exiting his room.

The house smelled and looked unusually clean. There were no bottles lining the walls, no cans thrown haphazardly all over the floor, no empty cigarette packs filling the trashcans. It was almost as if a party didn't happen here the night before, making Josh's curiosity rise. As soon as he stepped into the kitchen, his breath caught in his throat as he saw Tyler sitting at the kitchen island, his head resting in one of his hands and a cigarette in his other. He looked exhausted, like he hadn't slept all night. He probably didn't, Josh decided. The clean house, the lack of others awake in the house and the distressed look on his face were sure signs that he'd most likely spent all night cleaning and making things look presentable for if Josh decided to resurface. Josh cleared his throat softly, causing Tyler to raise his head slowly.

He didn't say anything. He just continued to drag from his cigarette as Josh walked over to the other side of the island. Josh looked around once more, sighing silently. "Have you even slept?"

Tyler shook his head gently, not meeting Josh's eyes. "I didn't feel like I could," he almost whispered. Things were quiet for a moment, only a slight sniffle coming Tyler before he spoke again. "I hurt you."

Josh felt his chest constrict at how defeated Tyler sounded, but he wasn't going to disagree. Tyler had hurt him, both physically and emotionally. "Did I hurt you?" His question caused Tyler to raise his head. "Your arms, or your back or anything?"

Tyler shook his head quickly. "No," he answered. "No you didn't hurt me. I kind of wish you would have, though. God knows I deserved it."

Josh sighed again. "It's not your fault," he said, earning a look of absolute confusion from Tyler. "You can't help your addiction, not that easily anyway. It was stupid of me to think you could quit that simply, and it wasn't fair of me to scare you and then strip you of probably the only thing that made you feel better in that moment."

Tyler shook his head, stubbing out his cigarette and walking over to Josh, taking his face in his hands and looking in his eyes. Josh's heart almost broke seeing the tears and the pain behind his eyes. "You had every right to do what you did," he said. "I betrayed you. I watched what could've happened to you, and disregarded how it could've made you feel. And then I fucking—" He stooped himself to take in a sharp breath. "I fucking hurt you, Josh. I told myself I would never, ever, hit someone I cared about and I did. I don't deserve for you to be understanding or forgiving."