Dear Ana

Control

Julia woke up early the next morning at five thirty am. She stretched and let her head swim for a moment and climbed off of her bunk bed. She shared a room with her sisters. They never woke up early. They always badly made it to the bus. She got up and walked to the kiddos room. She smiled as they slept and walked to the bathroom. She took her retainer out and put her contacts in. Now it was time to look in the mirror. She lifted her shirt and counted her ribs. Each one more prominent by the day. She wrapped her fingers around her wrist. She could put each finger around her wrist and touch each finger tip together. She pulled out the scale and stepped on. 106.4. That was less than yesterday but only by a pound. She stepped off and pulled her curly hair out of its bun.
There was a knock at the bathroom door. One of the kiddoes, kayly, has woken up early.
     Julia finished her routine and walked out of the restroom. She walked to her room and turned on the light waking up her sisters. She changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Julia grabbed a jacket and pulled it on. She put her shoes on and walked downstairs. Her grandmother was flying out the door to get to work.
     Julia walked to the kitchen and pulled the girls lunch bags out and began to pack their lunch. She finished their lunch and set them on the table and pulled their book bags off the hook and set them beside the bags.
     Julia put her bag on the chair and packed her one lunch. A granola bar and water. She knew she probably wouldn't eat the granola bar.
     She finished and walked up the stairs. "Get up!" She said loudly to her sisters who sat in their bed unmoving.
She made sure the kids were up and looked at the time. 6:20. The bus would be there any minute. She threw her sisters the rest of their clothing and ran downstairs. She rubbed her bag and ran to the door. The babysitter walked in. She threw Julia a rude glare. "Watch What you're doing!" She snapped.
Julia took a sharp breath and ran out to the bus stop. Her sisters ran out just as the bus pulled up. Her twin had a bagel in her mouth.
They boarded the bus and arrived at school by 7:20. Julia walked to her testing classroom. It was state testing. She sat down and waited for the test to start. Her head was killing her. She was sure it was from not eating. She rested her head on her hands and closed her eyes.
"Open your chrome books. The test will now begin."
Julia finished her test with a minute to spare. She sighed and leaned back in her chair. She felt sick and her mind was swimming. They were dismissed.
Julia grabbed her bag with her shaky arm. It weighted over 30 pounds. She pulled it on her back and walked to choir room. They had a free day. She sat down on the riser.
A small, lime extremely small girl, Brielle, sat beside her. "Wanna try my muffin? I made it."
Julia looked at the muffin. She envied the girl. She didn't have to worry about her calories or weight. She was so tiny. "I don't-"
"Come on. Here you can have your own." She said and pulled another muffin out. "I know you say you don't eat breakfast. Come on."
Julia took the muffin and looked at her. Brielle waited patiently. "Go on."
Julia took a bite reluctantly. She had to admit it tasted pretty good but she still felt gross eating it. She ate a quarter of the muffin and watched Brielle Walk to the other side of the room. Julia wrapped the muffin in the napkin Brielle have her and stood up. She walked to the restroom and threw it away. She made sure the bathroom was empty and locked a door. She never purged. But she had gone so long without eating. She couldn't ruin her prefect pink, clean insides now. She stuck her fingers down her throat and gagged. She closed her eyes shut and repeated her movements. She felt her stomach empty into the toilet. Julia straightened and stood to her feet, wobbly. She cleaned up and flushed the toilet. She walked to the sink and washed her hands and rinsed her mouth out. She felt horrid but in her mind it would make her feel better.
Julia walked to the choir room again and sat down to return to her free time.
The rest of the day ended in a blur. Julia found herself riding the bus. She rested her head against the window and squeezed her eyes shut. Her stomach was begging for food. She wrapped her arms around her waist. Once in your lips, is forever on your hips. She thought to herself. She rode the long bus ride home and got off. She didn't remember what happened next until she found herself cleaning dishes. The hot water made her head swim. She felt her legs go weak and she leaned on the sink. She took a shaky breath and returned to finishing dishes.
Julia finished dishes and watched all the kiddos go outside with the rest of the family to make s'mores. She walked up to her room and grabbed some sleep clothing and ran to the bathroom. She wasn't sure she ate anything at supper so she leaned over the toilet and stuck her finger down her throat, pulling everything out of her system. It didn't look like she ate anything but she couldn't risk it. She cleaned up and stripped down, turning on the shower water. She traced her ribs and collarbones. Tracing how much make she had to loose. She stepped into the water and let it trace down her body. She felt her knees go weak and she landed on he ground of the shower. She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. Tears mixed with the water and she stayed on the ground. She had to remain in control. She was still in control wasn't she?