Dear Ana

Hurt

Julia sat on the bathroom floor. 102lbs. She hasn't been this low in a long time.
It showed. She was extremely tired, dizzy and weak. But she was in control. Or at least that's what she told herself.
She examined her wrists. Thin silver lines went up her arms. Most she couldn't even see. She never tried to cut to deep. Just enough to feel pain. She knew where every cut came from. What pain came with each one. Each one was well deserved.
She pulled her knees to her chest. She needed help. She successfully pushed the people who loved her away. She couldn't focus on them, let alone herself and that's not fair to them. She hoped they would see that she was doing this for the best of them. Not to intentionally hurt them.
She stood up on her wobbly legs. She had finished her two hour exercises for the day and still had some time before the kids returned home.
She had time to work on her song she was writing.
Julia walked to her keyboard and sat down. She played he chords slowly.
Why must the tears always fall?
Control is slipping from my fingers.
Silence screams with no one to call.
Ana is still there to linger.

Save me.
Hold on tight.
Make me see.
That it's worth a fight.

Oh, I can't see! I can't breathe.
My world is muffled around me.
Please let go! Set me free.
Walk away and leave me be.

Save me.
Hold on tight.
Make me see.
That it's worth a fight.

Life is slowly growing short.
The day will keep shining.
Even through my ending pain.
The world will keep revolving.

Save me.
Hold on tight.
Make me see.
That it's worth a fight.

Julia slammed her hands on the keyboard in frustration and threw the papers with lyrics aside. Even her songs weren't good enough. Just like her.
She shut the keyboard off and buried her head in her hands. Why couldn't she just leave?
It's not like anyone would care. The world would keep on turning.
A car pulled into the driveway. Julia lifted her head and looked outside. The kids got out of the car.
She looked at the time. She had been working for two hours. It was nearing five thirty.
She stood to her feet too fast and stumbled. Her head spun. She let it pass and ran downstairs.
The kids walked inside. "Hi hi!" Maria cried and ran to hug her.
     Kayly set her bag down. "Where's supper?"
     "I'm sorry. I'm running late. I'll have it done soon." Julia said.
     Kayly only shook her head. "Now I know why grandma is always mad when you're around." She snapped and walked out of the room.
    Julia sighed and looked at the floor. Kayly wasn't wrong. Julia knew that.    
      It didn't stop the hurt though.