(cancelled) Born To Be Somebody

Coffee And Bread

Jessica's POV:

I wake up in Millie's bedroom. It's still pitch black outside so it must be early. I turn around to face Millie but she has left the bed. I'm worried about her. She doesn't sleep well these days. I listen for sounds of Millie but I can't hear any so I climb out of the bed since Millie can't sleep then she's either taking a shower or having coffee and since I can't hear any noise from the bathroom I head towards the kitchen.

I have only just left the bedroom when I hear Millie whimpering. I run the rest of the way to the kitchen and arrive just in time to catch Millie so she doesn't hit her head against the floor when she falls down from the kitchen chair that she was recently sitting on.

I put her head gentle on the floor and tells her that everything's gonna be alright. Then I walk over to the sink to fetch a cloth.

Millie's POV:

I feel something cold and wet against my forehead. It makes me cringe and I try to remove my head but then I hear Jessica "Please don't move, Millie."

I open my eyes slowly and find myself on the kitchen floor. I'm shaking with fear. The dream was a true horror and it shook me so much I feel like I'm cold inside my bones.

"What happened?" Jessica looks at me with worry in her eyes.

"I feel asleep at the kitchen island and had a really bad nightmare. It was terrifying. Something with a very big monster and me not being able to move without shaking the ground below me. Thank you for being here." I say quietly and I try but fails to send Jessica a smile.

"I'm just glad you're okay now, Mills. You really scared me." I can see the tears in Jessica's eyes now. I nod to her. "Can I please move now? I'd like to sit." Jessica nods.

I slowly sit up and take a few deep breaths which makes me feel a bit better.

"Sometime later this morning I'll call the psychiatrist the doctor told me about. Maybe he or she can help me with the nightmares. I can't sleep if this is what it's gonna be like from now on, Jess." I send her a look full of fear and she nods seriously back to me and says "I think that's a very great idea. For now let's have some coffee and then I'm gonna bake some bread for us. Sounds good?"

The thought of Jessica's delicious bread makes my mouth water and this time I succeed in sending her a smile. "I'll entertain you while you bake, Jess." She returns my smile and helps me get up from the floor.

I pour myself a big mug of steaming, black coffee. I love the smell of coffee so for a while I just stand there staring at my coffee while smiling. The nightmare forgotten for a minute. Then I get back to reality and I pour a mug of coffee for Jessica who sends me a big smile when I reach the mug out towards her. Even though the coffee's scalding hot she takes a big gulp of the mug and then puts it on the kitchen island.

"There's nothing better than your coffee, Mills. You have magic hands when it comes to coffee. You should seriously consider becoming a barista in your spare time." Jessica laughs so heartily that I can't do anything but join in.

"I feel the same way about your bread, Jess. You should become a baker. Maybe we should upon a cafe with bread and coffee in dozens of variations. I'm sure we would be popular at school if we did." I smile again and drink from my mugs. I burn my tongue of course. "Ouch."

"You burnt your tongue again." Jessica knows me so well that it's not even a question.

I laugh and sit down next to the kitchen island. Jessica has just started pouring the ingredients into a big bowl and for a while there's quiet in the kitchen. This means that my thoughts go back to the nightmare and I feel my newfound happiness slide far, far away from me as the dark thoughts are back. I turn in the chair so I sit with my side towards Jessica. This way she can't see my tears.

"I'm gonna go to the toilet." I mutter and hurry to the bathroom.

Once I'm inside I lock the door and sit down on top of the toilet. I slide the arms of my shirt up so my wounds visible. I reach out for the sharp blade that I've hidden in a hole in the wall behind the bath room closet underneath the sink. I can't fight the voices that beats me up for not being good enough so I don't even try to stop them.

I let the col blade sink into my skin and it's almost like I can't feel anything at that moment. Nothing at all. Everything fades into the background. the voices included. I take a deep breath and feels free. Then I remove the blade from my skin and everything comes rushing back. This causes me to cut my arm one more time.

After removing the blade from my arm and stowing it away in the wall I realize that I'm crying heavily. Tears are streaming quickly down my cheeks. It's the part of me that is hidden so deep down that it can't win that cries. The part of me who is still a happy girl who's excited for the future. The girl that's suppressed everyday.

Maybe one day I'll be strong enough to let her back out. That time is not now though.