Taehyung, 20 May , Year 22

15 1 0
                                    

I looked down at my hands. There was blood on them. My legs suddenly lost their strength. I was going to crouch down but someone hugged me from behind. Through the windows, a misty sunlight was filtering through. My sister was crying and Hoseok was standing there without speaking. Dirty household goods and blankets were, like always, spread around. Nobody was where my father stood. I couldn't remember how he fled the room.

The anger and sadness I contained as I rushed towards my father was still there. I personally did not know what it was that allowed me to control myself as I rushed forwards and stabbed my father. I also did not know how to calm my turbulent heart. It wasn't that I wanted to kill my father; I wanted to kill myself. If I was just able to do it, I would die right now. I didn't even have tears. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to kick and break everything, but I couldn't do any of those things.

"Hoseok, I'm sorry. I'm okay, so go." In contrast to my turbulent heart, my voice came out dry. It didn't seem like my voice. I sent away my friend that was loathing to leave and I looked down at my hands. Blood was seeping through the white bandage. Instead of stabbing my father again, I hit the floor with the liquor bottle. As the bottle shattered, my palm ripped open. As I closed my eyes, the world spun.

What was I supposed to think? What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to live? As I came to my senses, I was looking down at Namjoon's phone number. Even in such a situation, no, more so because it was such a situation, I was desperate for his presence. I wanted to tell him. Namjoon. My father, the father that bore me, the father that beat me up daily, I was about to kill him. No, in fact, I killed him. I killed him countless times. In my heart, I killed him repeatedly. I killed him. I want to kill myself. I want to die. I don't know what I'm going to do now, I don't know at all. Namjoon. I just want to see you again.

HYYH The Notes ChronologicallyWhere stories live. Discover now