HYYH The Notes Chronologically

Namjoon, 28 April, Year 22

I knew something was going on with Taehyung for a long time. Although he pretended that nothing was wrong, his momentary anxieties gave it away. The fact that he didn't know how to handle it made it even more obvious to me. He was in and out of the police station. He had wounds all over his body. He had nightmares.

I never pressed on the issue because I was waiting for Taehyung to bring it up himself. The reason I never confronted him was also because I doubted my own to right to hear about it. I wanted to be a hyung, an adult. But in the end, it all comes to the simple fact that I couldn't help my friends when they were struggling. They praised me for being all grown up, but I wasn't really an adult. Faced with problems, I could only hesitate and ignore the reality before me.

Yoongi hyung died - Taehyung had that nightmare again today. I had to shake him from his sleep. He sat in silence for a long time staring into space. He didn't wipe his tears and he mumbled incoherent things. He mumbled about Yoongi dying and Jungkook getting in an accident and me being caught up in a fight. He said that he dreamed of those types of things every day - that the traumas were so clear that they seemed real. "Hyung, don't go anywhere."