harder to hold and hard to find
they say
twas given but i do not want the gift!
may i get a refund
some of what he has
instead of repulsive hues and ruffles
a little rugged and a little bit
more me?
or a bit of both
a nice in between.
that's what i want.
that's what i have.
but they do not realize,
i got a refund already.
take your injections and fake smiles
and go! away!
because i'm real.
when i was small,
i didn't want to be a queen.
i wanted to be a king!
a ruler! so strong!
but sometimes i would slip on my plastic cinderella heels
to go pick up my brother from school.
when i first heard of a trans girl at my eldest siblings middle school
i thought,
how do they know?
what if i'm a boy?
but that didn't sound right.
so i never thought about it again.
i'm getting so close to ready
so close to joey
finally, so close to that first breath.
i can hardly wait.
-jb
escapril day 10: femininity
