i told myself i was over you,
and i was.
i am.
but then i remember you
i remember the texts that
were the only thing that could possibly
ease my cracked soul
alcohol on a fluffy swab was you.
i remember my beating organ swinging into the air
once i sent the image and then you knew.
i wish you had told me then.
suddenly i remember you singing for me
and i remember the songs i wrote for you
how i found myself in broken shards of us
but two broken people
cannot fix each other
either one lives
one dies
or we both shatter completely
my porcelain skin no more.
if you recall
and you reread what we said
we did
before you edited your words
i stand by mine
i will not alter what was set in stone
i will simply add and correct.
then you may too feel
not love
but maybe you will miss
what i do
when i read it.
i suppose it easier for you,
now that you have him.
but i don't.
i admire from afar,
such as i always do.
it's the same i did with you,
but i took the leap of faith.
i was selfish.
i was idiotic.
and so
so much more.
i'm sorry, keith.
for what i did.
for what you did.
i do not love you anymore-
you do not love me.
that's okay.
it works.
i am over you in that sense,
but maybe i miss your late night words
and how i didn't cry because
you knew exactly how to comfort me.
thank you,
for that.
thank you for helping me love myself.
for that,
i am grateful.
-jb
