Haven Uprising

quiet moments

Our doors opened near silently, but I really wasn't worried about neighbours seeing us.
While it was slightly suspicious being out only during the day, there wasn't exactly anyone to report us to.

Back at Valkyrie's lab, she'd treated us to dinner, with everyone except me telling a small personal story. Nobody had talked about my scars at all, thankfully.

Celestia went in first, as I cast a last glance around for any syndicate soldiers, which was kind of pointless because there weren't any.
I really hoped we hadn't been followed. Even though I knew it was really unlikely, it was still a really worrying concept. I really didn't want to get Tia hurt.
I stepped in after, the doors closing and locking swiftly.

The band Valkyrie had put around my arm was tight under my hoodie, and it was still really numb, but I could move it well enough, so that was a relief.

"Morwenna and Reyna are really fucking cute together,"Celestia stated, breaking the silence.
"They really are,"I agreed, slinging my bag off and setting it down next to the couch,"Like just imagine being together with someone for that long. It's really romantic."
We shared a glance then that was like we both knew what each other was thinking.
"Do you think we could be like that?"I asked, as Celestia took her own bag off and leaving it near the door.
She thought for a moment, before moving in for a hug. I kind of needed one right now.

She was an entire head taller than me, and for as long as I'd known her she'd always been bigger. While she was a lot more delicately built than I was, or probably would ever be, she could pick me up in her arms with minimal effort, and she knew I loved it when she did it. Tia was a lot like a bodybuilder, now that I thought about it, and I was her chubby girlfriend who couldn't even do a fucking push-up. I had no idea why she even tolerated me.

"I think we could do pretty much anything we agree on,"Celestia assured softly, speaking into the top of my head,"I think we're unstoppable together."

But she was wrong. We weren't unstoppable; she was. All I was, was just a fucking hinderance. I'd stood in the way of everything; Valkyrie dispensing justice to the entire Syndicate, Morwenna launching a counter-stike on every single raid, and now finally I'd stopped Celestia from helping people. I'd obstructed the one thing I wanted so hard to restore; peace, just by being too weak to kill people who probably still deserved it.

My silence seemed to speak more than words could to Tia, as she picked me up.
I felt her moving but I couldn't see to where; all I could see was her face, the ghost of a smirk present.

She laid me down, sitting on the bed beside me; but this wasn't my bed.

I was inside Tia's room, and how different it was to mine never seemed to stop coming back to slap me in the face with a wet fish.
As opposed to my soft pink wallpaper, Tia's shifted shade, from pink to blue and back again, slowly though, as if it was the tide of a magical ocean.
She had dozens of computer screens dotted around the room, but no visible keyboards. Knowing her she could probably conjour up a hundred holographic keyboards at the press of a button though. All of them were off, and I wondered when the last time she'd used them was.

She couldn't have had the chance to do any programming since the Takeover a few days ago, since she'd been sleeping with me, and only going into her room to change.

I peeled the tights off with the skirt and shoes, letting them fall onto the floor, before just staring at Tia.
She looked back, deep into my eyes, like she was seeing into my thoughts.
"Autumn, are you okay?"Celestia checked.

I shook my head,"I- I'm holding you back aren't I?" My voice wavered like I was about to cry again.
Celestia slipped her own shoes off before she turned over, sliding more onto the bed, looming over me slightly, but in that soft unthreatening way of hers.
"What do you mean?"She asked softly,"You've never held me back from anything except being an idiot."
"I mean I'm a bad person,"I explained,"Without me here you could be so much better; you could go to the gym even more for longer, or do any sort of sport and be fucking amazing at it,"My eyes were really wet now, and I felt something warm trickle down my cheek,"You could spend more time on programming and make a massive robot to get rid of Vindicator. Without me you could've gotten rid of those soldiers when we were spray-painting earlier. I deserve all these cuts; fuck, even the ones I gave myself."
Tia looked horrified, but I wasn't done,"Without me you could join the rebellion and be a fucking superhero. I'm fat, and weak and selfish and I'm a fucking-"I couldn't even say the word,"I'm not a help at all."

"Autumn,"She whispered, wiping away my tears gently as I looked to her for any sort of assurance,"You don't hold me back at all."
She laid down and shuffled closer, wrapping both arms around me, and just holding me to her.
Being held like this felt so intimate, and it just made me feel... safe.
Nothing could hurt me when I was in her arms, not even myself.
"What you do,"Tia continued slowly, choosing her words carefully, as I listened to the bright sound of her voice,"Is.. you make me stronger. Just by being there. Going to the gym and doing sports and shit are all fine but none of them can compare to just being with you." Celestia stroked a hand down my back, feeling my noiseless sobs as I shuddered beneath her embrace,"I can't program anything without you because I just can't spend all my time on anything; without you. I really didn't understand pacifism at all, before I met you, and you showed me what it meant, and why violence and killing don't help anyone.
"There's nothing wrong with being fat at all, and you are not weak; you've endured a lot more than most people could in an entire lifetime, and come out better than anyone else. Would a selfish person argue to spare the lives of people who just want to kill them? And you're not a murderer at all; you know it was an accident.
"You're an amazing person, Autumn, and nothing will ever change that,"She finished, pulling away to look me in the eyes,"And I could never Join the rebellion. Not without you."

Her deep, warm golden eyes that seemed like infinite pools of love, stared into my melty-chocolatey ones, with a look that was a mixture of strong affection and hope.

Hope that I might ever end up being able to function normally; that I could ever be able to love myself.

I severely doubted it, but I could- would try.

For her.

For Celestia

"You are more deserving of love than anyone else, Autumn,"Tia whispered,"Don't ever doubt that."
"I...Thank you,"I replied softly.

We laid like that for a while, just gazing adoringly into each others' faces.
Celestia traced circles lightly over my cheeks as I just looked into her face, eyes roving over every curve and contour in her beautiful dark skin.

"I love you, Celestia,"I told her. I loved those words. Both saying them and hearing them.
So I wasn't disappointed when she replied,"I love you too, Autumn."