Ricci Rivero, MD

00

With sad and tired eyes, he looked at me.

He's here infront of me but I felt like he's so far. I couldn't even hug him or at least hold him. My body's paralyzed.

"I'm sorry." I just nodded as a response. I couldn't hear anything but my heart beating so fast. Tachycardia. It's like his words are torturing me.

"I'm sorry if I wasn't enough. I'm sorry if I wasn't your ideal guy, I'm sorry if I have to give up, I'm sorry for not staying, I'm sorry dahil napagod akong mahalin ka." Fuck me.

His lacrimal glands betrayed him. I can see tears falling from his tired eyes.

"Napagod ako kasi kahit anong pilit kong ipakita sayo iba ang nakikita mo sa lahat ng bagay. Napagod ako kasi I am losing myself while I was trying to give you the love you deserved. Napagod ako cause I was willing to stay no matter what, I was trying my best to make you feel that I won't leave you, I was prioritizing you than myself. I was losing my self worth, value and love. Kasi for me you fucking deserve all the love in this world." He paused.

"And you still do. But I'm not the guy who can make you do it. I'm not the guy who can make you commit. Maybe I'm just an example of that someone. That even though how broken you can get, someone's still willing to fix and love you. I'm just a reminder for you." He bitterly smiled and wiped his tears.

Tinignan nya ako at unti unti itong naglakad papalit sakin.

His orbicularis oris landed on my forehead.

His humerus bone encircled me.

"You deserve the best and I know I'm not the best and so here I am leaving you. Diba I told you? I'd leave someday but with reasons. I wouldn't leave you hanging. Hindi ako ganyan." Ricci added.

"You made me so happy. I just hope I'll see you in my next life at baka dun maging tayo." He chuckled.

Its slowly sinking in when I felt the loosening of his humerus bone around my upper extremity.

"I'll miss you." He whispered.

"Dr. Larazabal, until we meet each other again?" He smiled at me pero kita padin yung mata nyang pagod na. I just nodded in response and with that he's slowly walking away.

I'm sorry dahil napagod kang mahalin ako kasi kasalanan ko. I'm not man enough to tell you what I really feel cause I'm scared of everything.

Maybe the next time in our next life, alam ko na paano sumugal para naman di na kita masaktan.

And then reality hit me at dun lang ako naiyak ng sobra.

Dr. Rivero is out.

Code blue.

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Orbicularis oris - kissing muscle
Lacrimal gland - responsible for tears/crying
Humerus bone - the bone in our arms
Code blue - when your heart stopped and you need a defibrillator to make it beat again.