Would you live for me? || Phan DH + PL

Two - Confessions

Dan

I wake up to the sound of my phone pinging, 7:03 Sunday, and a familiar name on the screen. "Phil MY BWESTES FWEND NOT GRIMMY'S!!" Yeah sure it was stupid and petty but I still got a laugh out of it every now and then. But reading the message my expression changes instantly.

Need help
Come to the lake

After putting on a T-shirt and jeans I turn and look at my straightener. "I for one think you look better with your natural hair. I don't know but it looks good on you." Phil words echo through my head as I decide just to go out like this. 1 year ago I doubt anyone could convince me to go out without straightening my hair yet here I was, enchanted by every word that came out of this one boy's mouth. "No I can't think like that," I say still looking into the mirror. "I can't possibly like him."

>•< >•<

I feel the crunch of the autumn leaves beneath my feet as I followed the well-worn path to the lake. The sky was solemnly grey almost like the world hadn't quite woken up yet either. I saw the black haired, black jeaned boy calmly skimming stones along the edge of the water. His tall figure in a bright green hoodie like a beacon amongst the orange of the trees.

"Hey," I said walking over to sit next to him.

"Hi," Phil replied but missing the normal glow in his voice. "I just need you to sit with me. Don't ask me what's wrong just sit. Please."

I oblige tossing down my bag and settling down next to him. After a while, I decide to take out my sketchbook and mindlessly drag the pencil across the paper. I don't bother paying attention to the sheet but instead, turn my attention to the profile of the blue-eyed boy next to me. His dark hair was in more of a mess than usual and even his eyes seemed dulled. His skin was still pale but it lacked the normal aura Phil radiated from him.

"You're staring Daniel," Phil's voice cuts through my thoughts, it was more harsh than usual yet it still didn't seem angry. Almost as if Phil just wanted to state a fact.

"Maybe I just want to get lost in your eyes," I reply not breaking my gaze but instantly regretting saying that. Poor poor Dan doesn't know what the word "friends" means. Now shut up! He keeps looking out at the mirror-like water of the lake and I pray that he doesn't read too far into what I've said.

"Maybe I'm already lost." His words are barely a whisper under his breath. He pulls his hoodie to cover more of his face. I move closer to the green-cloaked boy.

"Phil," I start to beg "please tell me,"  I place a hand on his arm causing Phil to flinch at my touch. See what you did, Dan? No one wants you! Quite! Oh, you're talking to yourself again, your "friend" is hurting and you'd rather talk to the voice in your head that help him? typical Daniel. We sit there for a while like that, just watching the ripple of water when the rocks collided with the water.

"I'm tired," Phil finally said after what could have been hours but was likely only minutes. "I'm tired of putting up this front and playing this character. I'm living someone else's life because I don't know what's mine." His voice was empty, it lacked the normal life mixed in with the occasional slip of his Northern accent.

I'm left there still speechless at what's he's telling me. This was Phil Lester, the boy who was always supposed to be happy. "Life fricking sucks." I finally say as he still refuses to let me meet his eyes. You think life is hard? You really think life is hard? You have a house a people who care about you and you think life is hard? Look even now you always managed to make things about you.

"Yeah well..." Phil didn't finish his sentence as his voice trails off.

"But it's also short and it just about making the best out of it!" I say raising my voice a few semi-tones and instantly cringing at my attempt to sounds inspirational. I hoped Phil would laugh at what I'd said. I wished Phil would laugh. He didn't laugh.

Phil

I stared at the lake, desperately trying to silence the thoughts that float around my head. I was weak. Talking about my emotions like an idiot. I wanted to open up but how could I ever do it? "Emotions are for the weak," I whisper to myself "get a grip."

"What did you say?" The curly headed boy asked me.

"Nothing, nothing. Don't worry about it." I hastily reply not wanting him to hear me. Why had I told him to come here? How could I let him see me like this?

My eyes darted from the water to Dan's sketchbook where he had discarded it on the floor. It's was a mess of lines sprawled put in different directions with what seemed to be no particular order yet all the lines still worked with each other. They flowed and crossed like a field of wild daffodils, random yet still together.

I threw another stone across the lake watching the smooth edge bounce off the surface of the water.

I stood up staring at the backpack that lay at my feet. "I have to go," I tell Dan as he quickly stands to join me.

"Where are you going?" He asked. Why does he have to ask?

"Oh, you know," I say but not being able to get myself to look at the boy's brown eyes. "Just got to go."

"Ok? So I'll see you at school tomorrow?" What was with all the questions?

"We'll see." I give him a non-committed answer, just praying that Dan doesn't further question me. I shoulder my heavy bag.

"Umm ok bye I guess." I don't reply but hurriedly walk up the path being sure that Dan didn't follow me. I could have anyone know where I was.