Famous Last Words || FRERARD

19

The two were eating lunch on the patio once again, the sky shining happily today instead of crying all over the place. Birds sang, squirrels ran across the grass happily and leaves rustled gently in the breeze. It was peaceful. It was calm. It was....nice. Too nice, almost. Gerard had been apprehensive all morning; the feeling that something would go wrong had been haunting him all day. He'd begun the day by slicing his wrists open, carefully avoiding his words as usual. To be quite honest, where the ink decorated his skin was the only place that was generally scar-free. He had marks everywhere, half from him and half otherwise, and to be brutally honest, he was starting to get really sick of them.

Frank, on the other hand, was actually enjoying the day. His mother hadn't said a word to him, which he couldn't care less about, he'd packed himself a good lunch that he actually wanted to eat, he'd gotten all good grades- Today was looking up for him! He noticed Gerard didn't quite feel the same, so that's what brought them to what they were doing, Gerard cuddling up to Frank as he spoon-fed Gerard some of his mac-n-cheese. He really didn't mind sharing his lunch, as long as it meant Gerard would actually eat.

Now that Frank had gotten to thinking, Gerard really did have a lot of unhealthy habits. He was never eating whenever Frank was around, which was concerning enough on his own, and Frank knew Gerard never slept. He often came in with a black eye or a random scratch too, which Frank knew better than to question, but it still worried him. All this worrying made him sound like a mother or some shit, which made Frank feel oddly dysphoric, but he pushed that aside; This was about Gerard, not him, and he needed to focus on that.

Focus, Frank.

Frank?

"Frank?" Gerard asked, looking up at his boyfriend, who had frozen mid-bite. Frank snapped out of his little disassociation session, looking down at the spoonful of food and shoving it into Gerard's mouth. The other yelped in surprise, but swallowed it quickly.

"Sorry. 'S just thinking."

"It's okay, baby."

"Is it, though?"

"Y-Yeah?" Why wouldn't it be?"

Frank looked down at Gerard, who was clearly puzzled by Frank's suddenly darkened outlook. "Hold my hand."

"Wha-"

"Just do it." Gerard laced his fingers together with Frank's, the other looking clearly more relaxed as he continued. "Why do you always wear long sleeves?" Gerard turned away a bit, not wanting to make eye contact. He was wearing his favorite jacket today, which happened to be a black trench coat, and even under that, he was wearing long sleeves and jeans without rips in them. Frank had noticed him constantly covering up.

"Because I can." He answered bluntly, still not looking at Frank; He didn't want to see the disappointed look in Frank's eyes.

"Why would you want to?"

"Because."

"That's not a valid answer, Gerard."

"Fuck valid answers."

"What are you hiding?"

"Wha- I- Nothing!" Gerard stuttered out, raising his voice in frustration, but still refusing to look at Frank. Pain flared across his arm as Frank grabbed his wrist, tears welling up in the other's eyes as he rolled up Gerard's jacket sleeve. He hesitated, but he pushed up Gerard's monochrome-striped sleeve in silence. Gerard winced, waiting for a slap to his arms, or his face, or yelling, or anything, really, but it didn't come. He told himself over and over not to look up, over at Frank, but he did anyway. Frank was choking back sobs, a hand clutched over his mouth while the other still held Gerard's wrist firmly. Cuts littered Gerard's pale skin, clearly fresh from the dried blood that largely contrasted the soft, eggshell color of the other's skin. Frank could see countless purple marks where old cuts had scarred over, just to be replaced by new ones. "Don't-" Gerard started, but Frank cut him off before he could get any further.

"Oh my god."

"Fra-"

"Oh my god."

"Please st-"

"Oh. My. God."Gerard finally stopped trying to interrupt this time, looking away from the forest-colored, tear speckled eyes that he usually loved to look at. "Gerard, why?"

"What do you mean 'why'?"

"Why would you do this?"

"Beca-"

"Is your other arm like this?" Gerard nodded somberly, still looking away from Frank. He didn't have a choice for much longer, though, because Frank grabbed his chin and turned Gerard's face towards him, forcing the two of them to connect their gazes. "Tell me why you did it."

"No."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me, goddamnit!" Tears were running down Frank's face at this point, and it hurt Gerard so much to look. It was such a simple thing, looking at Frank, telling him that he hated himself with a burning passion, explaining to Frank why he loved to hurt himself so, but it seemed impossible. "All I want to do is help you. I love you with all my heart, and I just want to understand."

"You could never understand, Frank." Gerard snapped, pulling his arm away from Frank and holding it to his chest. He wasn't used to his arms being exposed, the cuts meeting the fresh air angrily, the words seared into his skin showing; He felt exposed like this, even though it was only one of his arms.

"So what, I'm an idiot or something?" Frank moved away from Gerard, not standing up yet, but enough that Gerard was no longer touching him.

"No, I don't mean that-"

"Yeah, I think you do."

"I don't, Frankie, I-"

"Don't 'Frankie' me! Jesus Christ, Gerard! You've been cutting open your own wrists and you keep talking like it's no big-fucking-deal! It's a big fucking deal, Gerard."

"Frank, calm down."

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down!"

"You need to. I can't explain anything when you're losing your shit."

"Oh my god, you are so annoying. Jesus fuck, Gerard."

"Annoying? What do you me-"

"You're telling me to calm down? You could've died, Gerard. Died. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else, including myself, and you're just treating this like...like it's no big deal."

"But it is no big deal."

"No, it's not!" Frank stood up, hands balling into fists while Gerard just glared at him. "You can't treat yourself like you're worth nothing. You mean the world to me, Gerard Arthur Way. Why can't you fucking see that?"

Gerard just glared at Frank for a moment before yanking down his sleeves, standing up. "Fuck this." He spat, and walked away, and just like that, Frank felt his heart breaking into two. Gerard had been self harming this whole time, and he had no idea. He'd had no fucking clue. And Frank found himself frantically looking down at his arms, because 'Fuck this' and 'Fuck you' were so incredibly similar. The probability of Gerard being his soulmate was slim, even though he loved Gerard with all his heart, but the words the boy just left Frank with were way too similar to the words etched into Frank's skin. He'd thought about his words over and over; They always echoed in his head, and as it turns out, Gerard had been very much right about today being a bad day indeed. 

(A/N)
I might update this later. I'm too lazy to now. Sorry y'all. I had to do it to 'em