Famous Last Words || FRERARD

20

Finding himself staring at a blank canvas once again, Gee was about ready to crumble the pencil in his hand. Everything was so...complicated. Life, relationships, drawing and even his fucking gender today, because he couldn't even fucking get that straight today. He couldn't get anything straight, mostly because he wasn't straight, but that's besides the point. They seriously didn't know what else to do, and right now, what they were doing was no good. So they did exactly what they felt like doing; they snapped the pencil in their hand, graphite dusting the page in a loud, angry crunch. It felt satisfying to do, but now they didn't have anything to draw with, which completely and utterly sucked. There was always sharpie, but then they would ruin their sketchbook and that would just make them even more mad and god, they felt like fucking shit. But of course, he knew exactly why. The bandages on his wrists nagged at him, reminding him of just exactly why he was so angry. He was angry at himself and at Frank and at the world, but mostly himself. He was always angry at himself, but now more than usual. Frank had seen his cuts. He'd seen them. And got angry about them. Why was it any of his business? What Gee did with their skin was their problem, not Frank's. He had absolutely no right to worry.

Did he?

All Gee knew right now was that they were holding the shattered remnants of a drawing pencil above a drawing of Frank, and that they missed him. They wanted him back. They had only been apart a few days, but god damn, they missed him so much. They longed for the feel of his skin on theirs, of his lips brushing their cheek and his small yet dominant nature. They wanted him. They wanted every inch of him, regardless of how he felt about his own body, because to them, he was absolutely stunning. Not perfect, no, but Gee wouldn't even want perfection, because they wanted Frank.

They wanted the little grin that Frank always gave them, even if they could tell he'd been having a rough day. They missed the way Frank swung his hips a bit when he walked, a habit probably picked up from trying to assimilate with female culture as a child. They missed the way his thighs were a little too big to be a boys, and he stared at them often, even trying to cover them and only making himself look more feminine. The way Frank wrung his hands when he was nervous, and he pulled on the front of his shirt to try and make sure it wasn't obvious he was binding, the way he constantly messed up his hair and rolled up his sleeves to try and look more masculine. Gee missed everything about him.

Dear god, he sounded like a lonely middle schooler who has a crush on their best friend but they're like "Ughhh they'll never notice me I'll be alone forever." That's what he kinda felt like, too. Stupid Frank making Gee feel like a middle schooler. Stupid Frank for making Gee's heart flutter every time he walked into a room. Stupid Frank for being everything Gee ever could've wanted, but being just out of reach. Stupid Frank for making them fall in love. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

X o x o x o x o

While Gerard took a calmer method of taking out his emotions, Frank decided full-on rage was the best route to go for coping with this situation. He was currently outside, hatchet in hand and two piles of firewood beside him, one still chunked and big, the other split in half. Some pieces were even reduced to splinters. He brought the hatchet over his head and swung it downwards, shattering the log before him. Kicking it aside, he grabbed another and lined up the hatchet for another swing. He'd been doing this for over an hour, chopping and swinging and thinking.

Why did Gerard cut himself?

Swing. Chop.

Was he upset?

Swing. Chop.

Unhappy?

Swing. Chop.

Mentally ill? Well, that one was pretty obvious, but still.

Swing. Chop.

Was it Frank's fault?

He stopped on that thought, holding the hatchet above his head and feeling his eyes water. His knees buckled and he dropped the large piece of metal, letting the emotions wash over him like tides. The waves hit him, his legs feeling weak beneath him, but he refused to fall as the ocean flowed from his eyes.

Maybe it was his fault.

It could very possibly be, as much as he didn't want it to be. People cut when they were sad, or hurt, or upset or in pain in some way, so what's to say that wasn't all Frank's doing? What's to say Frank wasn't who he was thinking of every fucking time?

Frank felt his chest grow tight, and even though he wasn't binding (due to being at home and fear of his mother discovering), it still felt impossible to breathe. He tried to force air into his lungs, but it burned like a hot poker to the tissues inside. It hurt so incredibly bad just to be without Gerard, and the thought of even causing him harm or causing him to harm himself made Frank want to suffocate. He loved Gerard with all of his heart, and now that he thought about it, there wasn't much time when he didn't think about Gerard. That boy was his entire world, and here Frank was, angrily chopping wood instead of just talking to Gerard.

"Faith? Are you going to finish that or what? Chop chop." Mrs. Iero called, and Frank picked up the hatchet again, feeling anger towards a different person take him over. But he knew one thing for certain, that him and Gerard needed to talk, no matter how painful a talk like that could be. Even if it made his heart physically hurt with the overwhelming amount of worry he felt, he needed to be there for Gerard, and he couldn't if there was a million miles between them.

He was thinking too much.

Swing. Chop.

(A/N)

Oh m a n

Sorry these chapters aren't longer. I write for my attention span, so I try and keep it a happy medium. I usually end up scanning if the chapters are too long and straight-up ditching the book if they're too short, hence the happy medium.

I hate to be that guy but please please please try and get the word out about this fic. Every vote, comment and view counts, and I'm already so thankful for everything you guys have already done.

Hhhhhh I love you all so much stay safe water yourself eat food sleep. Fanfic isn't as important as any of those things, trust me

XOXO Author