Friday. I wake up at three in the morning and notice a billion missed calls and texts from Lennox. I find my DICE bottle and down a handful of UP pills. I call Lennox, who is currently in a meltdown.
"All the rumors! All of them. Nobody is safe. All rumors Guy! Code Red. Code Red! The Prince, and the lesbian phase, the boyfriend! I have nobody!"
"I'm on my way." In the elevator, the man rides down with me. Down. Down. Down. I leave him there.
"I'm cutting all the fat. Everyone! With a chainsaw. I can't trust anybody!"
"What about the satanic cult? The witches rumor?" I ask, driving down Laurel Canyon. That was the rumor we fed to fake gay boyfriend.
Silence.
"Lennox?"
"That rumor is nowhere..."
I release the air from my chest. Thank god. At least we still have one person.
"You are giving Jacob a raise," I order, twisting and turning up and down Laurel Canyon.
"Yes, of course. Jacob. I have Jacob and you."
"And Amy," I add
"Who's Amy?"
"Amy is pretend you."
"Oh yes, pretend Amy. She needs a raise too."
I hang up the phone and race along Ventura Boulevard.
YOU ARE READING
GUY FRIDAY
General Fictionguy Friday- noun a man who acts as a general assistant in a business office or to an executive and has a wide variety of especially secretarial and clerical duties. GUY FRIDAY: The man who helps you with everything, more of a servant than a friend...
