The Part That Hates {Rin Okumura x Reader}

♡20♡

"I love you!" Your words seemed to echo through the painfully silent room. Rin had stopped moving, a squirming kitten in his arms.

Tears raced down your cheeks and your hand gripped at your shirt over your heart. "I-I don't want to, it hurts, but I do! I love you!"

You felt your cheeks flame to life, letting your gaze fall to your feet in shame. You hated the quiet he was presenting you for once.

"Do...do you really love me?" He turned just his head to look over his shoulder, eyes searching for you but never finding your quivering form. They landed on the wall, and that's where they stayed.

"I do, Rin," you rubbed at your cheeks to dry them, teeth sinking into your bottom lip. "Despite everything - despite what happened, I can't help but love you. I feel so hopeless!" You cried, "I'm so stupid!"

He was shocked, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, finding himself at a loss for words. "I..." he started, turning back to the door, shoulders slumped forward slightly like he was ashamed of himself; for the way he treated you, for the way things went down, for not being there when you woke up.

"I-I was thinking about you!" You piped up, and he turned back to look at you, "in the hospital, when I woke up," you explained, "you were the first thing on my mind."

"(Y/N)..." he set the kitten down in the closed room, making his way over to you, every step feeling painfully slow. He put his hands on your shoulders, letting them slide down your arms until he found your hands. He held them.

"Please," you gripped his hands gently in your own, voice cracking with a cry as you let your eyes wander. You couldn't bring yourself to look him in the eyes. He was gonna turn you down, wasn't he? "Please don't tell me you found someone else..."

"(Y/N), it's just...I..." he trailed off, thumbs rubbing the back of your hands in an attempt to soothe you. "Look, I..." he started again. How was he supposed to tell you?

You started shaking again; you knew what was coming next. "Rin..." You whimpered, "please don't, please. Don't tell me you're dating someone else. Just don't say it," you pleaded. Your heart wouldn't be able to take it.

He closed his mouth. You asked him not to say it, so he wouldn't. This was all the confirmation you needed. He didn't love you anymore. He no longer needed you.

He released your hands to wrap his arms around you, but you felt your knees go weak under your suddenly heavy body, sliding down to the floor. What were you supposed to say? How should you feel?

"I-I'm so sorry," he stuttered out, getting on his knees to hold you, but you felt so painfully numb. You could feel him rub your back, but the warmth felt miles away. "I-I thought you'd never wake up," he tried to explain, but you couldn't hear him. He sounded like he was speaking underwater, the words that bubbled to the surface having no resemblance to anything remotely human.

You didn't want to feel anymore. You watched over him while in your comatose state and fell in love with his kindness all over again. This wasn't what you wanted to happen.

"I'm sorry," he apologized again and again in the silence when you didn't speak, "I'm really sorry."

"I know," your voice was quiet and shaking. Your parents had made love look so easy; is this what it's really like? Why did it hurt so much?

You allowed yourself to lean against him. You were tired. Tired of how pointless it all was, and tired of ruining everything you touched. You were always at fault for every awful thing that's happened to you. You brought it all on yourself, you asked for this.

"Stop that," Rin sighed and pulled you closer to him. "I know what you're thinking, and none of what has happened to you was your fault."

You loved that about him, too. How he could somehow just look at you and know what you were thinking.

"It was mine," he knew it was his fault. He did this to you. He hurt you over and over, and here you were, still telling him that you loved him. He didn't understand. What did he ever do to deserve you.

The whole time you were thinking you weren't good enough for Rin, he was thinking he wasn't good enough for you, and neither of you realized.

You broke down with a soft sob and covered your mouth to keep quiet, hoping he wouldn't hear you and feel guiltier. He didn't deserve that. You forced a smile.

"I'm really happy you found someone else to love, Rin."

The only problem was, he didn't love this person he started dating. They were a rebound for the only person he ever truly loved; you.

He wanted to tell you, words catching in his throat and weighing him down. He wanted to tell you he loved you more than anything, but he didn't want to hurt you again. You didn't deserve that.

"I'm sorry," he simply apologized again, and you sat back to wipe your eyes.

"I hope they make you happy," you smiled. You didn't want to bring him down or hurt him again. The past was awful and ugly, and you didn't want to bring it back. You didn't want to be the reason he's held back.

"Listen, I..." he started. He vowed he'd tell you his feelings even if it killed him. And it probably would.