𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄─𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐤𝐞¹ (𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠)

69. a memory

Pain. Devastation. Heartbreak.

That's all I could feel as I broke free from Bellamy's grasp. I could hear him call after me, but he didn't follow me, not right away at least.

Tears blurred my vision, so much so that as I ran the distance between our camp to where Finn was, I could barely see. No one tried to stop me, they were all too preoccupied with Clarke and subsequently what she had done . She had been whisked off into the Commander's tent as my brother was just left there-alone.

I practically stumbled through the field. The distance between the safety of camp and the place my brother had been murdered felt like an eternity.

When I finally reached him, he was still tied to the pole. Tears blurred my vision as I placed my hand on either side of his face, "You're okay." I cried, reaching around to try and untie his arms, "I've got you, I'm here."

Our parents always told Finn and I that we were different versions of the same person. We had the same coloured hair, the same eyes, the same little mole beneath our mouth. Our faces mimicked one another. However, as my face now hovered inches from his, I couldn't help but notice he lacked any resemblance of myself, or himself for that matter.

His skin was pale, his eyes were closed, barring me from seeing my eyes mirrored back at me. I knew that even if they were open they wouldn't look like they once did. There was always happiness behind his eyes, and now there was nothing.

Sadness ripped through me as I finally managed to untie the rope that had been holding my brother upwards. So once the knot had been freed, Finn's limp body came crashing into me. The impact of his body against mine sent me tumbling backwards into the ground, causing me to let out a mangled sob as I used all my force to flip us over so he was laying on the ground and I was hovering overtop of him.

"Open your eyes, Finn." I begged, hoping that he was somehow still alive, "Look at me, you're alright."

When he remained still, I let out a small cry. Bringing my arm up to wipe my face, I let out a deep breath, tilting my head to look up at the night sky. My thoughts were flooded with the fact that the one person I cared about in this life more than anyone else, the person I knew was always on my side, the one who protected me our entire lives- was gone.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice so weak it barely came out, "I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you."

I sat beside him, pushing his hair out of his face as tears rolled down my cheeks faster than they ever had before, "I'm sorry." I cried again, collapsing against his still chest, "I should have done better, I should have—"

"Avery," a voice cut into the air and I knew it was Bellamy's, but I didn't look up at him, I couldn't.

I kept my face buried in Finn's chest, as I shook my head, "He's gone." I whispered, so quiet I wasn't sure if Bellamy even heard me.

I heard him sit down beside me, and moments later I felt his jacket being placed on my shoulders, "Avery look at me." he pleaded.

I waited a moment, trying to stop the tears before numbly lifting myself up, looking over at him. Bellamy's face fell as he pulled me towards him. I didn't let go of Finn's hand as Bellamy cradled me against himself. Quiet sobs racked my body as I buried my face into his chest.

We sat like that for what felt like hours, neither of us saying a word as I held onto Finn's hand, I couldn't leave him, not now.

Raven had joined us at some point, she didn't say anything, just sat with us. Not long after she had arrived, Clarke exited the Commander's tent. Raven got up to speak to her, but I didn't care what they were saying. I didn't care about a single thing anyone had to say anymore.

My eyes were basically swollen shut when, from somewhere behind me, two Grounders approached. Neither of them saying a word as they bent down, trying to pick up Finn's body. I still was draped overtop of him, making it difficult for them to move him, and I was not planning on moving anytime soon.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, holding onto his body tighter, "Don't touch him." I snapped.

"Avery," Bellamy whispered pulling me closer to him, 'They have to take his body."

"No," I cried, trying to pull free from Bellamy to grab onto Finn, "He's one of us, they can't," I was finding it hard to breath as I tried to speak, "They can't have my brother."

"They're taking him back to the village where the massacre took place. It's the only way to get our people out of Mount Weather." Clarke explained, her voice unnervingly calm.

I could hear Raven's sniffles as she spoke, "Then I'm coming too. And don't worry," she added, "I'll bring your damn radio!" she snapped before I heard the sound of her walking off.

Bellamy grabbed my hand, "You have to let him go."

I gave a small nod, signalling the fact that I would let the Grounders take my brother, no matter how badly I wanted him to stay. As they each grabbed onto his body, something caught my eye. "Wait." I demanded, shuffling over to grab a hold of Finn's wrist.

The Grounders paused as Bellamy watched me skeptically. I ignored their stares as I began untying the bracelet that had resided on my brother's wrist for the last 10 years. I had made it for him for our eighth birthdays and he had worn it ever since, with a few modifications of course.

I remained silent as I wrapped the bracelet around my own wrist, keeping one last piece of my brother with me.

Once the Grounders were gone, and my tears had momentarily stopped, I spoke to Clarke for the first time since she killed my brother, "I'm going too." I announced, my voice shaking and weak. I didn't look at her when I said it, I couldn't.

A small sound of surprise left her lips, "What-"

I kept my eyes trained on the ground, "To the village for Finn's ceremony. I'm coming."

"Avery-" Bellamy started, but I cut him off with the shake of my head, the tears instantly starting again, "I'm not leaving him," I whispered, "Not now."

Bellamy let out a sad sigh as he pulled me into his chest, my tears soaking his shirt as he spoke, "It's okay," he soothed, running a hand through my hair, "It's going to be okay."

I shook my head against his chest, "It's never going to be okay."

-an-

still so sad over his death and I always will be ngl.

here is an edit that makes me cry everytime i watch :,(

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter even though it was pretty heartbreaking :(