"we don't gotta say anything, don't gotta say anything, don't say a word at all, don't say a word at all."
-
present
it's been a week since i told ethan that i don't want children. it's been a week since he told me to get out of his apartment for not telling him sooner. it's been a week since we've spoken last and i feel more numb than i've ever felt.
just thinking of how good it was when we first met versus now has me feeling like shit. after everything ethan and i have been through it's so easy for us to fall apart, and that's what hurts the most.
we have such a great history with beautiful moments of us falling in love with each other. the night we met and ran around town, the first time we had sex, the first time i met his family and the first time he met mine.
i've told ethan things that i never said out loud and now it's as if we never dated. he's the first guy i've trusted one hundred percent, but now we're total strangers.
the pen in my hand glides across the paper as i fill in my last job application. having to live by myself in a huge city like this is a lot for me, especially since i haven't even graduated from college yet. i'm still trying to get my degree in journalism.
since i already work at the coffee place my cousin owns (she's finally paying me), finding another job is very difficult for me to do.
filling in the blanks on the application is the only easy thing about my life at the moment. college is hard, i lost ethan, and my job hunting is impacting me in a more negative way than i ever wanted. you can only imagine my happiness when i hear a knock on my wooden door echo throughout the entire apartment.
the apartment once filled with faith's things, then ethan's, and now just mine. instead of furniture and picture frames, there's only a bean bag and a tv in the living room. all of the pictures previously hung up on the walls are replaced with a blank white wall. all of his things from our bedroom and bathroom were cleaned out the day after he stormed out of the apartment, and now the once full apartment is basically empty. it was once a place where my best memories took place, but now it's the place where my boyfriend left me.
this place is just the place i eat, sleep, and shower. it used to be the place where i first fell in love with him, where i first slept with him, and where i had the best year of my life.
i open the door, expecting my chinese food i ordered an hour ago, but am shocked when i see the boy i haven't been able to stop thinking about since i met him. he looks pissed off when i open the door, but that changes to surprise when he realizes i'm not going to slam it on his face. i can't possibly do that to him.
"before you slam the door on my face, hear me out." ethan gets out before stepping a foot into the apartment. he's breathing heavily and has a light layer of sweat on his entire body, so it becomes obvious that he was working out when i actually take in his appearance. tight workout shirt, basketball shorts, and nikes on his feet.
i step aside before he steps further in and starts speaking again. hands on his hips, lips covered in saliva from his tongue swiping over them. eyebrows furrowed, and i can already tell this is going to be very hard for us. the tension gives it away, and the fact that both of us are so hellbent on not getting back together.
"you're a fucking pain in my ass. you are whiny and pout when you don't get what you want, which is why i spoiled you so damn much. i never wanted to hurt you so i always got you things without a second thought, and sometimes that didn't even help," he looks up from the floor to look at me, and my heart skips a beat when i look into his hazel eyes. "you are more stubborn than i am, and that says something. you have so many flaws, piper, but i'm so in love with you."
