Desire ☆ Timothée Chalamet

| 64 | anger

It's been months, very long dreadful months and yet Daisy still hasn't gotten rid of her nasty drinking habit. She doesn't do it as often as daily, but she will be caught in a bar or at a club at least once or twice a week.

Sometimes it's Pierre who will find her in a drunken heap, other times it's Kaden and of course he will scold her all the way back home. However when it's Skylar, Daisy feels the most ashamed because Skylar didn't scold her, or threaten to call Kaden anymore.

Instead, she would just watch quietly as Daisy destructed herself little by little because she knew that no matter how many times she would tell her to stop, Daisy would still continue to drown herself in alcohol without caring about the results of her actions.

Daisy felt lost, she was at a point in her life where she just couldn't figure out who she was anymore. She had taken a break from acting, she was losing the people she loved one after the other and she felt that soon, she would lose her father too and that would be one more person to add to the pile of people that Daisy had to mourn. Not to mention that soon enough she felt like she would be losing herself, completely. And there would be no going back from there if that happened.

First it was Harvey's overdose, then it was Timothée's act of betrayal and now she could almost anticipate the day the news would arrive and she would find out that cancer killed her father.

The nightmares of her rapist disappeared and in their place came reoccurring nightmares of her father's potential  death. Although her father would die in every nightmare, it would always be in a different way. One nightmare will show him being poisoned, another showed him in a severe car crash, another showed a very brutal image of a bullet being sent towards her father's chest.

Each nightmare had a different twist to it, and every time she would wake up crying out hoping someone would hear her, and come to her and comfort her until she fell back asleep. But then she would realize that Timothée wasn't a part of her life anymore, he wasn't there to pick up her broken pieces and tell her things would be okay after a nightmare.

All she had was her pet dog Homer and all he could do was rest his chin on Daisy's chest as an attempt to show his affection. And although Daisy was grateful for it, she couldn't help but wish she had someone by her side. To be there for her when she'd wake up in a frenzy.

If she were to be specific she wouldn't just want someone she would want Timothée.

She missed his presence so deeply and as the days passed by it started to sink in just how much he did for her, how much he cared for her throughout their time together. Without him around she was realizing just how reliant she was on him, with her secrets, with her nightmares, with her trust.

Was it all a mistake?

Maybe.

But either way, no matter how much it hurt her and pierced her heart when he left. She still couldn't bring herself to forget every moment they spent together. The good and the bad. She didn't regret their adventures together in his car, their late nights spent watching television, the times they spent away from each other missing each other so deeply.

All of it was beautiful. All the time they spent together was magnificent. And she was slowly forgiving him day by day. But forgiving him doesn't mean wanting to be with him again, it just means being able to live with the fact that he didn't mean her any harm.

Because she may be able to forgive him, but she definitely cannot trust him again.

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