Jayson

Chapter 11

I walked to the park, sobbing, hoping that by some chance I'd find Jayson there, but there was only a small group of kids running around, playing tag.  I sank down into the grass feeling defeated.  Maybe, he just really didn't want to see me. Maybe, we were done and he didn't have the heart to say it to me in person. I had ruined everything and there was nothing I could do to fix it. 

I lied down looking up at the sky above as the winds carried the clouds to places beyond my reach. Birds soared above, dancing in the air, over, up and under.  The  breeze whispered sweetly to the leaves in the trees and I stood stuck, unable to escape my own mind.  I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the sun beam down on my face as I imagined being on a beach somewhere, the heat of the sun melting into my skin, the sounds of the waves crashing against the shore, and the feel of the water between my toes. This was my happy place and I wished that I could stay there forever, but the clouds blocked the sun and I could no longer feel it's warmth, so I opened my eyes and there he was.

Jayson was standing above me looking down with a hint of a smile. His face still carried the evidence of his fight, but the bruises were fading and the swelling around his eye had gone down.

"You're blocking my sun," I said, smiling.

"I thought I was your sun," he said, smiling back, and sitting down next to me in the grass.

"You are!  You definitely are!" 

The two of us sat together for a while just kind of staring off into the distance, neither of us sure of where to go from here.

"I'm sorry, Jayson," I said quietly. 

"I'm sorry too, Haven," he replied, reaching out for my hand and looking at me to see if it was okay. I didn't want to hold his hand, I wanted to be in his arms, so I lunged forward into his arms and wrapped mine around his waist, holding on for dear life. I felt his arms tighten around me and he kissed my cheek.

"I love you, girl."

"I love you too." I knew that everything was going to be okay after that.  I knew that I'd be safe, because Jayson was going to be there to keep me safe. In my mind, I made a pact with myself that I'd never love another guy and that Jayson was my forever guy and I was his forever girl.

Over the next few months before the start of my eighth grade year, there was a major shift in both Jayson and in me.  Jayson had begun weight lifting and every time I saw him it seemed his body was getting bigger and stronger. He became focused on making something out of himself and started talking about joining the military and traveling the world. He began pushing me to look within myself, and to think about my future. What was I going to be when I graduated high school? How was I going to change my life so that I could be better and stronger than the people who raised me?  How was I going to prove every body who doubted me, that I was more than what they thought of me? 

At that time, I didn't have answers, but he inspired me to try.  He made me want to get better grades, he encouraged me to write more  and not to be so shy and try to meet new people and experience life.  I wrote so many stories and poems and couldn't wait to share them with him because he was always enthusiastic about them and would share them with everyone around us and brag about how talented I was.  This usually made me embarrassed, but in my own way, I loved it, because it gave me something to do and someone to be.

 Being in eight grade filled me with anxiety, and the excitement of graduation being in the not too distant future had my mind uneasy.  Part of me couldn't wait to leave these last few chapters of my life behind me, and the other part was reluctant to go.  What would high school be like?  Jayson was going to be a junior and we didn't go to the same school, and I worried a lot about the possibility of him finding someone else, someone prettier, funnier, or more talented than I was, and every time I started thinking about that, my heart hurt a little bit, more and more and I had to find ways to force myself to not think about those things that I couldn't control.