Tattooed Emotions

13

Dan

I blinked, my mind unable to process all the emotions swirling around my head.
"Wha-" I stuttered, my lips struggling to form comprehensible words.
"I- but- I- you-"
I paused, taking a moment to structure my sentence in my mind.
"I thought you hated gays."

Was that too harsh?
I didn't mean for it to be, yet still I heart an ice cold edge to my words as they hit the cool evening air and basked in the yellow glow from the streetlamp.

It lit up Philip's face so perfectly, framing his cheekbones within a perfectly swept black fringe. His eyes were blue, although in this light gave off a more greenish hue, with speckles of gold and bronze.
I'd always loved his eyes.
I'd always loved...

Philip.

But he hated me.
I was a dumb, good-for-nothing faggot and was better off dead than wandering around the town like an unwanted rodent.

I wondered if this was all a joke, a cruel prank - but I couldn't see anyone lurking behind bushes or tree trunks ready to leapt out and beat me up. I hadn't heard anyone. It was just us.

So why was he saying all this?

"I know... I've always liked girls. I thought that liking the same sex was weird - pervy, almost. But it's not with you. I don't know, you're different from other people. There's something about you. I've never felt with a girl what I feel with you. Even when they're- well-" He scratched his head awkwardly, looking down and breaking the eye contact we had had, "I'm not a virgin, Dan. But with you, one look can make my knees weak, and my heart flutter, and I've felt my stomach do backflips countless times when I see you in class. I'm not gay, Dan. I'm not. I can't be... But I like you... Is that bad?"

"Philip, I- All my life I've liked boys. Girls are like weird creatures to me that don't make any sense, and kissing one..." I grimaced, shaking the picture out of my head, "I can't deal with it. I don't think it's bad to like girls. We're all different. It's just difficult when people call you a freak just because you don't kiss people you don't like."

It was his turn to stutter and blush.
"I'm sorry, Dan, truly. For everything. I was a dick. I guess I just liked feeling validated for my actions. I didn't think about how you'd feel." He laughed, raking fingers through his hair, "Wow! This has gotten way too deep."

"I know." I nodded, stepping closer to him. "Which is why I think I should shut you up."

And with that I closed the gap between us. Heaven and hell, angels and demons, light and dark - all becoming one in the dimly lit park across the street from our houses.