Girls Like Girls (GirlxGirl)

18. Anymore?

"I think−" They both started at the same time and Coley softly shook her head while chuckling.

"You came here for me, you should talk first." Coley told her with a small smile on her face.

"I think we can't avoid each other. I mean, we totally could now, because Trenton..." Sonya stopped talking for a second and cleared her throat.

Coley flinched a little at Sonya mentioning her brother and softly bit her bottom lip, for less than a second.

"Don't fucking do that." Sonya said in a whisper and Coley knew exactly what she was talking about. Coley felt it too, whenever Sonya did anything that she found attractive in the slightest. Coley decided to pretend like she didn't hear her and looked at her with an awaiting look in her eyes, urging her to go on.

"We could avoid each other now, until he gets... better, but then we'd be back to this. Not seeing each other is not going to make these feelings go away, not for me at least." Sonya admitted and swallowed loudly after that.

Admitting it out loud made it so much more real, Coley realized that by now and knew exactly how the fragile girl in front of her was feeling, pouring her heart out like this.

"What do you suggest we do?" Coley asked her in a raspy voice and cleared her throat.

"I don't want to not see you."

Coley tried to suppress the smile forming on her face, but she couldn't.

"I don't want to not see you, either." I can't not see you. Coley saw tears forming in Sonya's eyes at her confession and a huge smile on her face. Her eyes were sparkling and Coley felt her feelings for the girl slowly growing right at that moment.

***

They had been talking outside for almost an hour, and it felt so... normal. Just two friends sharing things about their lives.

Even though they were having fun and Coley felt great in that moment, she couldn't help but feel like Sonya was or had been playing her.

Sonya never talked about leaving Coley's brother, it seemed like she wanted to have the best of both worlds.

Even if Sonya did talk about leaving Coley's brother for her, Coley didn't think she'd let her. The two of them could never be together anyway. Not openly, like Sonya and Trenton could.

"What are you thinking about?" Sonya's soft voice broke Coley out of her thoughts.

"Wha... Oh, uh...−" Coley cleared her throat, while she felt her cheeks heat up. "I was just thinking about Trenton." She told her. Well, it was just half a lie.

Sonya let out a deep sigh. "Me too."

Coley couldn't help but immediately feel irritated, hurt... jealous.

Was this what jealousy felt like? She thought she'd been jealous before, but she'd never felt like this.

And the worst part was, she didn't even have the right to be jealous. Sonya wasn't hers. They just kissed a few times.

"Dad is there like all the time, whenever he isn't working." Coley felt so guilty for being jealous about all these things.

The girl she liked cared about Trenton more, her father cared about Trenton more. Hayley probably even cared about him more.

"I'm sorry about that." Sonya said, surprising Coley by responding in such an understanding way. "People seem to forget how hard it is for you, too."

Coley gave her a halfhearted smile and looked at her hands in her lap, while fiddling with her fingers.

She felt – and saw – Sonya's hand grab hers and slowly looked up at the girl, who she found was already staring at her.

"I–" Coley started, but decided to shut up, not knowing what to say.

Sonya shook her head lightly, letting Coley know she didn't need to say anything. They seemed to both be content in this setting. Staring at each other, while touching ever so slightly.

***

After a while of sitting outside, Sonya decided they should go for a walk and Coley complied willingly.

They talked about all kinds of things so easily, something Coley didn't have with a lot of people. She never liked to talk about herself, and she didn't really bother getting to know other people either. With Sonya, it went so easy, though.

Their shoulders were lightly brushing against each other while walking, and sometimes Coley would semi-accidently brush her hand against Sonya's.

"Honestly, I would pay someone to take my SAT's for me."

Sonya laughed and shook her head. "I don't think that'll do you any good."

Coley frowned her brows at her, with a questioning look in her eyes.

"You're super smart, I−"

"Sonya? Sonya, it is you!" A girl's voice interrupted them, followed by her closing Sonya into in her arms.

Her voice was full of excitement, something Coley could be annoyed by quite easily, but she was in a good mood, so she couldn't even care less.

"Jo, my god, I haven't seen you in months!" Sonya told her and reciprocated the hug tightly.

"And who is this goddess of yours?" The girl asked equally loud. "I thought you didn't roll that way anymore." The girl's voice got softer, but still way too loud for Coley not to hear her words.

Sonya noticed it too, and she realized as soon as she looked at Coley, that Coley heard and realized what the girl was insinuating as well.

Anymore?

Coley and Sonya both stayed quiet for a few seconds too long, while looking at each other, until Coley decided to play along.

She put her arm through Sonya's and pulled her close to her side, even though Sonya was a bit taller than her.

"She just couldn't resist, anymore." Coley said, with a huge fake smile on her face, laying emphasis on the word 'anymore', while looking at Sonya, who just awkwardly laughed and looked at the ground, before looking back at her friend.

"We really have to get going, though. We made plans, and we really have to be on time." She pulled herself loose from Coley's soft grip on her arm and gave her friend another hug. "Text me, I really want to hang out again!" She told the girl sincerely, before walking away and pulling Coley with her.

"Why would you say that to her?!" Sonya asked Coley, when they lost Jo out of sight.

"No, I go first this time. What did she mean by all that?"

"Oh, please! Don't be like that. Every girl has that bisexual phase." Sonya laughed humorlessly and brought her hands to her head in desperation. "Josephine used to be my best friend and now she thinks I'm some kind of dyke!" Sonya snapped.

Coley's eyes instantly filled with tears, and she looked at Sonya with a disgusted expression written across her face.

"So, that's what you think of me?"

"Coley, I didn't mean−"

"No, shut the fuck up!" Coley wiped her tears away angrily, she didn't want to cry.

"Coley..." Sonya raised her hand to touch Coley, but Coley jerked away from her touch.

"Watch out, you're "phase" might be a little more than just that." Coley scoffed, while making air quotes with her hands. "And I might be contagious." She finished, before turning around and walking away from Sonya, without looking back at her.