The Banished Arc: Banished Logs

50 Rules For Gik, Kronos, Vore, and Diwiz

Rule 1: 

Under no circumstances are the four allowed to use the thorn beasts for jousting tournaments. Nor are they allowed to use the excuse of 'training' or 'battle'. Actually, let's just keep them away from the thorn beasts in general.

Rule 2: 

Diwiz is no longer allowed to participate or hold drinking contests. Last time he did we lost half of our alcohol supply and we had to help clean up about fifty people who were drunk out of their minds. 

Rule 3: 

Kronos is no longer allowed to use or modify flame based weapons. There are no words needed to express why. And no. Not even if he asks nicely. 

Rule 4: 

Vore under no circumstances is allowed to go on a 'Glory Crusade' with his men. The fallout from such an event is undesirable.

Rule 5: 

Gik is no longer allowed to be challenged for his sharp-shooting skills. He's not allowed to be issued a challenge and he is unable to issue one himself. We already know what happened to the challengers that won.

Rule 6: 

Diwiz is no longer allowed to keep a collection of live scrub grubs. When we found his original collection they flooded the 'Retribution Arc' and disabled its engines; causing us to drift in space for a whole month as repairs were made and the infestation was cleared. I'm still finding scrub grubs hiding around in the ship and it's been THREE YEARS since the incident. 

Rule 7: 

There is no such thing as Banished porn. No, not even on Venezia. Though, it would give some good revenue if sold on the black market, but using Atriox? HELL NO!

Rule 8:

Diwiz must always be on his medication. We don't need another 'methane crusade'.

Rule 9:

Any requests for Kronos to be augmented are to be denied. That is because I have already have been sent multiple requests. And no, not even if he says 'For science'.

Rule 10:

The four are not from an alternative timeline. They cannot issue orders with the reasoning of 'preserving the timeline' or anything related to it. 

Rule 11:

The four are also not allowed to get high under any circumstance. Ever.

Rule 12:

Using any word for accident is not an excuse for any disaster or casualty that you have caused, Vore.

Rule 13:

Killing a surrendered enemy was funny exactly once, Gik. The fifth time was just outright frustrating. 

Rule 14:

Kronos, no more pinky torture techniques. People let you off the hook for your brutal tactics, but that? That's fucked up.

Rule 15:

It is true that no one expects the Banished Inquisition. That's because there is no such thing.

Rule 16:

Diwiz, stop throwing rocks at the hurgok! You can't replace those easily!

Rule 17:

Gik and Diwiz, stop posting classified information on old Reddit sites. No, you can't post it on 4Chan either.