When You Realize You've Become 'That Mom'...and What Comes Next

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Life it would seem is filled with challenges. Yet, there are moments when you see the rainbow after the storm. That was how it felt when I held her in my arms.

"You did good," Tami said while running her fingers through my hair.

A tear slide down my cheek.

Charlie placed Chris on his lap and baby Christina was placed gently onto Chris.

Tami captured this moment. It is a photo I will treasure forever.

Christina would challenge my ideas about myself, my life choices and so much more.

When she turned 5 and started school I did as well.

"Mommy, it's crazy that we are both starting school today," she said to me.

"I mean, you're old!" Her innocence was endearing.

"It's a school for grownups so let's both do our best today ok?,"

"Yes! It's going to be great! Have a great day at school," she said smiling widely.

"You too princess. I'm so proud of you and I love you," I was now smiling as well.

She hugged me and all of my fears and doubts faded away. I would become more for her. I wanted her to look at me as a person worthy of modeling.

I wanted Chris to see that there is no such thing as failure as long as you keep trying.

Most importantly, I wanted Charlie to know that I would keep working on myself so that our relationship could continue to evolve.

Chris and I created a grade challenge and that kept us both doing our best. The way he tells it he won by one A. I'll let him have that victory.

I ended up graduating with a bachelor degree as Magna Cum Laude.

It was hard to believe that I started out in remedial programs and finished off so strong.

Friends told me grades didn't matter but they mattered to me. I had something to prove. I needed to take control of my own destiny instead of swaying with the breeze.

When I had lost the ability to have children I thought it was the end but I was wrong.

A short while later I went for my graduate degree and got a professorship upon graduation.

I lost 85 pounds and I feel pretty good about that. I had thought about dragging out this story. Taking you through Christina's terrible twos but I realized that you were able to see the story already.

The truth is I'm not the same person from my Mean Girls book and I'm not even really the same person from this story either.

There are days.

"Babe, are you almost ready?" Charlie called from downstairs.

"In a few!" I hollered back.

We are about to go see Endgames. If you are a fan you know what I'm talking about. If not...shame on you. Joking aside.

There will always be days when I revert back. The angry, scared mean girl who lacks confidence in her ability but then I see my kids.

Honor roll students, musically talented, incredibly intelligent (I could go on but that's borderline boasting) and while I'd love to take credit for their success I know that all I really gave them was love and support. Their accomplishments are their own.

We have a beautiful home that was straight out of my vision board if you can believe that.

I had a coworker tell me the other day "Cathy, hearing your stories makes my head swim. How do you keep your days so full?"

I laugh a little because it's sweet and I said "I'll let you know when I figure it out," of course you can't just leave someone hanging like that so I end up saying "I take it one day at a time, one task at a time. I don't worry about the end of the week or month. I plan my schedule, break it into smaller parts and I work the schedule,"

So of course the next question is, "What about the unexpected?"

To which I reply "Always plan for the unexpected so that you never find yourself unable to complete your goals. Rain happens, snow happens, accidents happen, heck life happens. If I have to be somewhere at 10 and it takes 10 minutes, I give myself 25. Never been there before? Shame on me for not doing a dry run but I'd go ahead and tack on 15-20 more minutes."

They would say "I'd never thought about that before." And I would smile. It's nice knowing that you can make a difference in someone's life.

I went to therapy to deal with the trauma and these three books were the results of that. Learning to work through the pain and the past so you can face towards your tomorrow while you live your today. No regrets. For better or worse.

Shoot. I'm running out of time but I wanted to thank you for taking this journey with me. I don't know if I will tell anymore of my story but I will say thank you for sharing this experience with me. Your comments were super encouraging.

My kids aren't grown yet but they aren't babies anymore either. My son is a published author and my daughter does animations.

They help me to stay young and focused and I keep pushing myself to become better because they deserve it.

Charlie and I are closer than we've even been. We are partners in every way and he continues to support each new wild adventure I choose to embark upon. Sometimes I think he's crazy.

What can I say?

I'm a recovering mean girl and I'm that mom you love to hate.

I'm ok with that because my kids are better than yours just as I'm better than you....

Sorry, that was the mean girl talking.

I think you are awesome and I'm so thankful you joined me on this journey. You were a vital part of the healing.

Ok, seriously gotta go now. This movie wait for no one.

The End