Before I was Heda

A Girl Can Dream

Lexa's POV
Flashback
After mine and Costia's fight on my birthday. I went to train with Anya and she gave me some solid advice. Anya said I need to see it from Costia's perspective which I obviously can. She's a Queen and just like me her people come first. With Costia I'm not so sure she's doing it for her people. That's what I fail to understand. She says she loves me but then says she has to Marry Roland or whatever! It doesn't make sense. Anya luckily talked so sense into me she convinced me to just enjoy my time that I have with Costia. So that's exactly what I did. I left the training room to go find Costia. When I finally came up to her door I didn't bother knocking because 1. She's my best friend and well 2. I'm Heda I do what I want! When I walked in Costia was crying I hated to see her cry. I walked up to the older girl and set next to her on her bed. Cos look at me please. Costia slowly looks up  into my eyes. (Lex..Lexa I'm so sorry if I hurt you I... I love you but I have to marry Roan. Regardless of how I feel.)

You didn't hurt me Costia. It takes a lot to hurt me. I wouldn't be the Commander if I was that weak! That came out a lot colder than anticipated. Costia just glared at me with so much hurt. I sigh Costia look I love you too but your right you have to Marry Roan. It's what's best for both of our people. I also don't want to waste the time we do have together. Because I love you Costia and I want to be with you while we can. I look at the brunette in front of me her brown eyes glossed over from crying. I will wait for you Costia if this is what you must do. I'll wait as long as I must. Your my first love and always will be. I wipe away her tears. Please say something! Costia just stares at me in shock of what I have said. (I love you  Thank you so much for understanding. I couldn't agree more I don't want to waste our time together. Anymore then I have. Will you stay with me tonight Lex?) I look at my best friend my love whatever she was all I know is It took us so long to fall into step together. When we finally did it was perfect.
6 weeks later
Lexa's POV
Costia and I have been inseparable since we finally talked. We are trying to spend as much time together before her birthday. I was falling harder for the older girl but in just a few short months she will be married and not to me. We stay in each other's rooms almost every night. Titus isn't very happy about our closeness but when is he happy! Today is the first day in months I've peen away from Costia. As Heda I had to come to TonDc for a few days to discuss battle strategies against the mountain men and sadly some of Azgeda. It's stressful especially when your subjects refuse to listen to you because your a child. I had to gain control over my warriors. Gerald one of the generals of Sankru is driving me crazy. He thinks because I'm small that he can push me around. I'm starting to feel crowded by the 5 men who believe I'm to young to command an army. It's quite nauseating really but I sit there with a Stoic face. Until Aldred touched me. Suddenly memories of Astapor ran through my head. I can still remember the masters warm breath on me it makes me sick to think about. I can still feel there rough hands on me. All the nights I screamed for help. How I tried to fight them away but I was 4 no matter how skilled I was they were stronger. My blood is starting to boil and my hearts beginning to race. I am not weak and Aldred has already made me feel threatened. Saying if I don't leave him in charge they will move me by force. I glared at the red headed mans rough hands on my arm. I snapped I grabbed my dagger from my side and stab him in the jugular. I get up from my seat glaring at the other 4 men in the room. Who stare at me with caution. I pull my blade from Aldred's neck and wipe it on my pants. I hadn't realised I was covered in his blood head to toe. ANYONE ELSE WANT TO QUESTION ME? I get up in Gerald's face.

I yell quite loudly (No Heda!!) all 4 men bow before me. Now leave I say with annoyance present in my voice. After they leave I get up and walk to the nearest creek to wash the blood off. TonDc is like a second home to me I have been coming here since I was 7. When I became Anya's Second I had to live here for months while training. During those months I discovered some pretty great places here in the woods around TonDc. Such as this hidden cave  I came across by accident. I was exploring alone after training and I fell into a cave under ground but in the cave was a beautiful blue pool of water. I called it the moon pool because at night the brilliant blue water would shimmer in the moon light.

I have never seen a color even close to that blue. Except for maybe.... I shake the thought from my head. I have continued to have dreams of the blue eyed girl. Anya says it's probably just a past Commander trying to tell me something but I don't know her face is never clear in my dreams. The other Commanders who speak to me when I sleep show up clearly. Not her she's special. After I wash the blood off of me and walk back to camp I start to miss Costia. Every time I have ever come to TonDc Costia has come as well. This time is different now that I'm Commander I have more responsibility. She of all people should understand she's a Queen after all. I love her my palms get sweaty thinking about her. She has officially been my girlfriend for 4 weeks now we know that it is dangerous but I will let go when she turns 16 for now she's mine! Who knows maybe one day after she takes Azgeda she will come back to me. A girl can dream!