Before I was Heda

All it Cost Her

Lexa's POV
I'm in a bright field surrounded by sunflowers. (Lexa....) I turn around to the sound of the familiar voice. It's her again I wish I could clearly see her face or at the least understand why she appears to me. I can only assume it's the flame. Who are you? I ask (It's not time yet!) Time for what I shout. (You need to wake up now!) Wait! (Wake up Lexa!!!)
My eyes shot open these dreams have been happening less than they used to I sigh "it's not time yet"? I don't understand I throw my head down in frustration. it's day break I look around Gomorrah is up eating some grass. I hop up from the place I rested it's time to get home I've been away long enough! I'm right outside of TonDc if Titus was here he would be so angry that I slept in this part of the forest in supervised. Titus doesn't like it when I adventure through the woods of TonDc alone he says it's "Not Safe" but I've been out here hundreds of times by myself and nothing. Except when I discovered the moon pool but that was a good thing. I finish loading my gear onto Gomorrah when I here branches breaking behind me. I turn around quickly drawing my sword. What I saw was shocking to say the least I had only heard the legends but to see her up close is terrifying. I quickly hop onto my horse and take off as quickly as I could. I will not win this fight if I stay I turn around she's running at me she's getting closer(rrrraaaahhhgggrrrr)  Pauna! Is all I get out before I'm falling.

Back in Polis
Titus POV
Indra they took her to Nia! What are we going to do? We can't just allow Azgeda to kill her. Lexa will never forgive us if Costia dies. (Titus, Costia knew what she was getting herself into. She knew what it could cost her. No matter the outcome we respect her wishes. Heda never knows that we were aware. If Costia dies we must keep Lexa from doing anything rash. At all cost Lexa must be our only priority. Even Costia knew that. Your the brave stoic Fleimkepa so stop worrying and remember your own teachings. Head over Heart always.) Indra Your excused! I turn away from the woman. When I hear the door shut I let a breath out. Costia has been like a daughter to me. How was I so reckless to actually let myself care for the girl. Indra is right Costia knows what she's getting herself into. I taught her right! I know deep down I'll never see her again.

In Azgeda
Costia's POV
I've been sitting in this cold cell for hours. Nia still hasn't come down to see me. I'm scared I wish I could have seen Lexa again but I know it's for the best. It will be easier to let go this way. I hope my plan is executed correctly but the feeling in my gut says I'm not walking out of here. I lay my head back on the cold wet rock wall behind me and close my eyes. If someone would have told me 10 days ago that I would be here I probably would have just laughed it off. Being here now seems like I made a mistake the biggest mistake of my life. I did this to myself. I allowed my rage to take over and now who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Lexa's POV
I feel the cool water surrounding me I swim to the top of the water. I gasped my chest is burning it feels like a thousand tiny needles are puncturing my lungs. I open my eyes and look around for Gomorrah I see her already climbing out of the river. I look up to see how far I fell. That was really close to being bad. I just need to hurry and get back to Polis before anything else can happen to me. I hop onto Gomorrah and head on to Polis here's to another try.
2hrs later I arrived back in Polis I take Gomorrah to the stables. After I'm done I head up to see Aden he's been away for just about 3 months. I've missed him I walk into the training room where all the little Natblida usually were. As soon as all the children see me they run to me (Heda!!!) they all scream excitedly. I scan the room for Aden. My eyes landed on the little blonde boy in the back of the training room practicing his knife throwing skills. I couldn't help but smile at him he's gotten so big since I found him. I know he will succeed me one day. I walk over to him when I get closer he turns to see me his eyes go wide and a huge smile plasters across his face. (Lexa!!!! I missed you) he walks over to her to hug her before stopping. (I.... I.... I'm Sorry Heda) he went to bow. Before his little knee could touch the ground Lexa lifted him into her arms and hugged him I've missed you too Aden. Lexa set on the ground Aden in her lap and all the other Natblida's sitting around her while she told stories of before she became Heda. All the children laughed as Lexa finished telling them about when she first met Anya she put her in a surprise sleeper hold and Anya being a bad ass just smashed Lexa's little body into a wall repeatedly until she released on her hold. The doors to the training room open and Titus appears. (Heda your back he bows. I have some news!) Titus it can wait I'm with the children right now. (I'm afraid it can't wait Heda! It's about Costia.) Go on then speak. ( She did something and it goes beyond our power. It's our law jus  drein jus daun! It's our way. So we can not interfere with her consequences. Costia killed General James she asked home to meet her in TonDc. When he did she plummeted her sword in his heart. Nia requested she be brought to her to deal with. I could not stop them Heda. I'm sorry!) I try to process what Titus is telling me but I feel lost. What? Where's Costia now? (Heda Nia has her. If Costia won't abdicate and confess her sins You will be killed.) what will happen if she abdicates Titus? What aren't you telling me? I set Aden on the ground next to me and stand up tall walking towards Titus with my most stoic face. (If she does abdicate Nia could kill her and most likely will! I know she means a lot to you but I'm afraid she may be gone Heda.) I clench my fist until they turn white. Cos is gone and possibly dead and Titus just let them take her! I can't hide my anger anymore I rear back and slap Titus hard across his face leaving a bright pink hand print. If she dies you will lose my respect. I will need you no doubt but I will not have respect for you. With that I walk out of the room and practically run to my room my heart is pounding and my eyes burn from the unshed tears. This can't be real Costia can't be gone she will come back to me I know she will. I love her she's my one constant. I can't lose her not like this! Where's Roan why didn't he stop her what the Hell is going on I scream! I call one of guards and request him to fetch Roan for me. The man nods and walks away. An hour later there is a knock on Lexa's door. (Lex it's me!) the deep mans voice behind the door says. Enter! He does as he's told. (Lexa what's going on is everything alright. Did Madiana make it safely?) You don't know ? Lexa scoffed. (Know what?) Your mother has taken Costia Prisoner. (Why would she do that? Nia knows the clans would rise up against her.) Well our beloved Costia reacted badly to losing Madiana. Roan your fathers dead! Costia killed him. (What!! damn it Cos she really messed up!) Your mother has given her two options my life or she can abdicate both thrones essentially giving her life. The moment Costia abdicates she's dead she will not have any protection. I can't interfere I am Heda and Cos killed James. Our way is Jus drein Jus Daun! (So what we do nothing? We just let her die.) Where were you? why weren't you here to keep her from doing anything rash? I know why I wasn't but why weren't you? (I was with Niylah and Cos was mad at me so I stayed away.) I can't even look at you right now you left the mother of your child while she was dealing with the lose of her daughter because your father tried to kill your 6 day old infant. If she dies it's on you Roan and I won't forgive you we may have been friends but you have proven to be unreliable and If she dies Roan of Azgeda you will be banished! (Lex!!!) It's Heda to you! Now make yourself useful and go try to save Costia from your Crazy mother! (Yes Heda!) Roan walked out of Lexa's Roam looking broken. Once Lexa was alone she began to cry. I look up to the night sky the moon is full and the stars are bright. My mothers voice plays on in my mind. I was the moon of her life like she was to my father. The moon shines bright I take a deep breath I wonder what it's like up there in the sky. A slight calm rushes over me. I fear for Costia but in this moment the dark blue sky makes me content. The calmness will not last because If she dies because of me I know I will never forgive myself for it. I love her and I can't save her. I have to choose Head over Heart and I can't risk my life I have to be smart my people always come first.