A Cross Examination of a Disgrace and Syrup with Honey

Feel My Wrath and Extreme Self-Doubt

Nate spent the rest of the weekend thinking about his conversation with Derek and sleeping.  Now that he had a light of certain hope shining in the horizon with the possibility of getting back together with Garrett, he felt slightly better and was at least capable of a few hours of good sleep.

He started thinking about how to tell his parents that he was taking control of his own life and doing everything he could do to be happy, hopefully without completely breaking off a relationship with them.  They were still his parents and even though it seemed impossible, Nate couldn't let go of the dream he had buried deep inside himself where they finally accepted him and loved him like he'd yearned for all those years.  But still, he'd made a decision: he would try his best, but at the end of the day he would put himself first.  He would put Garrett first.

He had never been more terrified and excited at the same time in his entire life.  He was finally doing something to get out of that huge hole of unhappiness he had lived in.  The only thing Nate needed was to find the best way to explain this to his parents.

A grown man should not feel as intimidated by that idea as he was.

——

Garrett didn't want to bake anymore.

At first, he only stopped making Nate's favorite pies, cakes, and muffins.  Then he realized certain ingredients reminded him of a particular kiss, of Nate's shampoo, of that especially sweet morning they had spent eating breakfast in bed, of Nate's attempts at cooking—pretty much just of everything.  It was no use.  Nate was everywhere.

One morning, he woke up and actually considered not opening the bakery for the day, but ended up deciding against it when he realized he would probably spend his time moping around his apartment, which had now turned into a mess since Nate was gone.  There were tissues everywhere, he had barely bothered picking up empty cups of coffee or tea, and there were clothes scattered all over the floor.

It was so unlike Garrett.

All his strength was focused on hanging on and being as patient as possible as he waited for Nate to come back to him, but his energy was starting to run out.  He wasn't so sure anymore about whether Nate would come to realize that there was no point to being apart.  He was even starting to believe that what Nate had said had been true. 

Maybe Nate didn't love him after all.

But then he realized he couldn't afford to think like that.  Thinking Nate didn't love him only made his entire world crumble and he couldn't.  He had no idea when Nate had gotten so deeply under his skin, when he had become such a crutch to his whole existence, but now Garrett could see how much he really needed Nate.  He could clearly see how lonely his life had been until Nate had arrived in it.  Garrett had spent years and years convincing himself he didn't need a man by his side to be happy, but Nate had changed everything.

Larson had dropped by one Sunday to visit.  He knew his brother was sad because Nate had broken up with him and he had decided to check up on him.  The problem with his idea was that he had brought Jace with him too.

"Look, Phillips, this is easy," Jace said as he shoved three cookies into his mouth at the same time and started chewing.  "You need to get over this dude and I have the solution.  Next Friday you're going to a party with me."

"Why do all of your plans include parties?" Garrett wondered, picking at a loose thread on his sweatpants, and oh God, he was wearing sweatpants when he had company.  He had definitely hit rock bottom.

"I'm gonna get you so much dick that you'll have no option but to forget about that jerk," Jace nodded, sure of himself.

Garrett sighed.  "Jason, I appreciate your kind, yet extremely creepy offer, but I'm gonna pass."