Chapter 4

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Would you believe yourself if your mind kept saying:" Get out, please, as fast as possible. Wake up."?

Would you pay attention to your instinct?

As if it wasn't enough that I was feeling sick and unsteady I also felt aghast all of the sudden, I couldn't explain myself why. It felt like something came into my room and disturbed the whole atmosphere, could this possibly be caused by depression? That couldn't be it, so once again I blamed it on my wacky imagination.

It was a sure thing that I should of had a walk, it was almost two o'clock and if hadn't have anyone to go out with at least I could of seen what my college looked like, only to pass the time and distract myself from the darker thoughts. But could I really move out of the bed? An easy task like that seemed way far more harder for me for the time being.

The sun let its luminous rays caress my face as if it tried to get me out and take up on it. I was aware myself that closing in, hiding from the world was only going to bring worse to my state but it is so much easier to speak than to accomplish, isn't it? I was not going to let my mind fade into solitude, as hard as it seemed to face the world, I was going to.

I made my light-headed self stand up and do something for the day, following my morning routines as I would usually do. I tried to eat something but it felt like there was a hole inside of me, nothing could go in without forcing myself to... and that wasn't exactly what I was planning on.

Without having anything scheduled for around a whole month, I thought to myself that visiting the Sivellius College of the Arts was really the only thing to fill the day, so right there it was me leaving my apartment once again. It would remind me of the first time I went out that door, what a crazy night was the other day. If I would tell anyone about what I went through they would take me as a big joke.

Everything was different in the day light, the same route that I had taken the day before was now a whole lot more approachable. Even if I still felt followed occasionally, it was a bit more gratifying. The island was a living beauty, hundreds of colossal trees were surrounding the city as well as the blocks and houses, different species of bloomed flowers were filling the air with various sweet scents, even the streets were occupied by enormous pots full of eye-catching herbs. If I only had someone to share those moments with I could of seen myself considering this my paradise island. Sadly enough, when you go through a lot even the wonderland may feel all dull and gray.

For the first time I had the chance to face the island's society, for a first impression I had to say that I was mostly confused and maybe lightly creeped out as well. It couldn't be unnoticed, while I was walking down the street every single person was staring at me. Everyone was different, different age, different clothing and styles, different skin, eye, hair colors? Different heights and body shapes, it didn't matter, everyone was staring at me. 

I knew I belonged to the group of new citizens but this was ridiculous.

Paying attention to their glares made me to some extent observe a hidden message in their eyes. The majority stared at me with anger, a disgusted expression that made me feel uneasy, it almost made me feel unwelcome. On the other hand, a really small percentage gave me the contrary. Some of them would smirk at me or smile at me in a really warm and welcoming way. Other of them would stare at me with a disappointed and bad vibe. What was I supposed to understand from all of this? What really made me unsettled was the fact that I was seeing all these people for the first time in my life.

As I was walking and observing, trying to avoid getting lost on the way to the college, I bumped into something and stopped instantly gathering myself back onto my feet. Oh well...it was someone and I instantly wished I had looked where I was walking.

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